Wikipedia:Complete bollocks

"WP:CB" redirects here. For the assertion that "Wikipedia is not a crystal ball", seeWP:CRYSTAL.For the courtesy blanking policy, seeWP:CBLANK.For community bans, seeWP:CBAN.For the consensus-building method, seeWP:CONSBUILD.For Citation Bot, seeWP:CITATIONBOT.For ClueBot NG, seeWP:CBNG.

Just because the middle of theCerne Abbas Giantis a big load ofbollocks,it doesn't mean that your article should be too.

Thepoliciesof Wikipedia state that articles must beverifiableand stated from aneutral point of view.This strongly implies that they must also betrue.Sometimes, articles arrive atarticles for deletionwhich have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use aBritishterm,completebollocks.

Identifying complete bollocks

Some giveaway signs ofcomplete bollocksare phrases such asemerging theoryandwidely disputed.Articlespuffingnon-notable websitesare oftencomplete bollocksor, in other terms, "bullshit", in that they make wholly spurious claims to notability (e.g. claiming to have originated some new process, neologism or phenomenon which is either not verifiably existent or, conversely, blindingly obvious). These articles very often start with the name of the site, properly capitalized, as a link. WhereasGeogre's Lawposits incorrect capitalization as a hallmark of vanity in biographies, abundant capitalization and/or trademark signs (sometimes linked at every single instance) is often a hallmark ofcomplete bollocksin articles about websites.

A confirmatory sign ofcomplete bollocksis a set of circular articles, or aself-contained nest of articles,such as three articles that reference only each other and are themselves composed of nonsense, particularly if the set is started by one author or a set of authors (or IP addresses) who all contribute to the same set of articles. In wiki parlance this is awalled garden.

Probably the most prolific source ofcomplete bollocksis the bored student fraternity. AsUncle G put it,Wikipedia is not for things made up in school one day.Not all of this, however, iscomplete bollocks:some of it will have to be subjected to adeletion processbefore it is finally removed. There is no shortage ofbad ideas for articles,and some of them elevate themselves to the giddy heights ofreally stupid ideas for articles.It's this latter category which is likely to becomplete bollocks.

The art thereof

Consider these deathless lines byCharles Battell Loomis:

A Classic Ode
Oh, limpid stream ofTyrus,now I hear
The pulsing wings ofArmageddon's host,
Clear as acolcotharand yet more clear—
(Twin orbs, like those of which theParseesboast;)

Down in thy pebbled deeps in early spring
The dimplednaiadssport, as in the time
WhenOcideluswith untiring wing
Drave teams of prancing tigers, 'mid the chime

Of all the bells ofPhicol.Scarcely one
Peristomeveils its beauties now, but then—
Like nascent diamonds, sparkling in the sun,
Orsainfoin,circinate,or moss in marshy fen.

Loud as the blasts ofTubal,loud and strong,
Sweet as the songs ofSappho,aye more sweet;
Long as the spear ofArnon,twice as long,
What time he hurled it at King Pharaoh's feet.

AsDouglas Hofstadterhas pointed out, thearchaizinglanguage and the mix ofclassicalandBiblicalallusions all lend authority to this poem. A reader may read it, and re-read it: theremustbe some meaning there, it seems so serious in tone and intention. Further study will bring it to light. Good luck!

After you have figured out the poem, consider the following:

Problems in a business process may arise in three places:

• at its proposal and inception, which inNeuman's terminology is labelled theAlpha phase;
• during the period of its operational implementation, thetheta phase;and
• during its finalization, or the closing stages of the process: theOmega phase.

Problems in a business process may moreover be classified into two separate categories:

• themonogeneticproblem, in which a single cause intervenes in the process, and
• thepolygeneticproblem, in which several different causes intervene, either simultaneously, concurrently, or serially.

The reader is challenged by this section to identify what he has learned from the text that was not already known, or could not have been thought up by a mind gifted with sufficient leisure and vocabulary. Pay careful heed to the bolded terms, with their Greek letters andclassical compounds.The presence of Greek letters is a sure indication ofmathematicalrigor, and classical compounds indicate thatscienceis at play here. If there is an exam with this course, be assured that the student will be expected to repeat these terms and their given definitions. The tone assures the reader that a great deal of research, or at leastlogic,backs up the assertion that the causes of a polygenetic problem will intervene either simultaneously, concurrently, or serially.

The wisdom thereof

• He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

— Attributed toAbraham Lincoln

• One thing you will note about shopping-center theory is that you could have thought of it yourself, and a course in it will go a long way toward dispelling the notion that business proceeds from mysteries too recondite for you and me.

—Joan Didion,"On the Mall", inThe White Album

• Ow! My groin.

—Hans Moleman

See also

• Vanispamcruftisement
• Patent nonsense
• Jibber-jabber
• Dealing with hoaxes
• Handwavium