Demisexuality
| Pronunciation | dɛmisɛkʃuæləti |
|---|---|
| Etymology | French:demi,meaning "half"[1] |
| Definition | 1: The state of not experiencing primary sexual attraction. 2: Attracted to someone (heterosexual or any gender) after getting to know them for a certain period of time. |
| Classification | Sexual identity |
| Parent category | Asexuality |
| Other terms | |
| Associated terms | Gray asexuality |
| Flag | |
 | |
| Flag name | Demisexualpride flag |
| Meaning | Blackchevronrepresents asexuality, gray represents gray asexuality, white represents sexuality, and purple represents community.[2] |
Demisexualityis asexual orientationin which an individual does not experience primarysexual attraction[3][4]– the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such asappearanceorsmelland is experienced immediately after a first encounter.[1]A demisexual person can only experience secondary sexual attraction – the type of attraction that occurs after the development of anemotional bond.[5][6][1]The amount of time that a demisexual individual needs to know another person before developing sexual attraction towards them varies from person to person.[7]Demisexuality is generally categorized on theasexuality spectrum.[8][9][1]
History
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The term was coined in theAsexual Visibility and Education NetworkForums in February 2006. Based on the theory thatallosexualsexperience both primary and secondary sexual attraction andasexualsdo not experience either, the termdemisexualwas proposed for people who experience the latter without the former.[6]
Demisexuality, as a component of the asexuality spectrum, is included in queer activist communities such asGLAADandThe Trevor Project.Demisexuality also has finer divisions within itself.[10][11]
The word gained entry to theOxford English Dictionaryin March 2022, with its earliest usage recorded in 2006 as a noun.[12]
Since 2019, theapp Tinderincludes demisexual as an option for self-descriptors of sexual orientation on profiles.[13]
Definition
[edit]Demisexuality has been described as a sexual orientation where a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after developing a close or strong emotional bond with them.[14][1]Some demisexuals will also feel romantic attraction, while others do not. The duration of time and the degree of interpersonal knowledge and bonding required for a demisexual person to develop sexual attraction may be highly variable between individuals. There is a lack of clear definitions for what qualifies as a close or strong bond in this context, which can cause confusion.[5][1]
Unlike other words used to describe sexual orientations, the term "demisexuality" does not indicate which gender or genders a person finds attractive.[1]
Primary vis-à-vis secondary sexual attraction model
[edit]- Primary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell). Primary sexual attraction is characterized as being experienced at first sight.
- Secondary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on information that is not instantly available (such as personality, life experiences, talents, etc.); how much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them before secondary sexual attraction develops varies from person to person.[3][6]
After secondary sexual attraction is developed, demisexuals are not only aroused by personality traits. They also may or may not experience arousal or desire based on the physical traits of the persons whom they have already experience secondary sexual attraction towards.[15][16]
Common misconceptions and sexual activities
[edit]A misconception is that demisexual individuals cannot engage incasual sex.[17]Demisexuality refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction; it does not describe a choice or an action, but describes a feeling instead.[5][18]While it is common for demisexuals to not desiresexwithout feeling sexually attracted to the other person, this is not required to be considered demisexual. Many demisexuals may choose to engage in casual sex even without experiencing sexual attraction towards theirsexual partner.[19]
Demisexuals may experienceaesthetic attractionand can have an aesthetic preference. An aesthetic attraction is an attraction to another person's appearance that is not connected to any sexual or romantic desire;[20]it is so called because of its similarity to other aesthetic desires.[21]
Demisexuals can beattracted to fictional characters,and can also be attracted to a character played by an actor without experiencing attraction towards the actor when out of character.[22]
Attitudes towards sex
[edit]Some demisexual,gray-asexualandasexualindividuals (all included under the "ace umbrella" ) use the termspositive,favorable,neutralorindifferent,averse,orrepulsedto describe how they feel about sex.[1]Nonetheless, these terms can be used by anyone, regardless of if they are asexual spectrum or not.[23]
- Sex-repulsed: feeling repulsed oruncomfortabletowards the thought of engaging in sex.[24]
- Sex-indifferent: no particular positive or negative feelings towards sex. Sex-indifferent individuals might partake in sex or avoid it.
- Sex-favourable: sex-favourable individuals enjoy sex and may seek it out.[25]
- Sex-ambivalent: experiencing mixed or complicated feelings regarding the act or concept of sexual interaction, usually fluctuating between sex-neutral, sex-favorable or sex-positive and sex-repulsed, sex-negative or sex-averse.[26]
These terms are generally used to refer to someone's opinion about engaging in sexual activities themself. However, they might also be used to describe how they feel reading, watching, hearing about, or imagining these activities. The term-repulsedin particular is often used to refer to one's feelings about engaging in sexual activities or being around them. One's feelings can vary depending on the situation or other factors such as identity, societal context, common social understanding or intent of actions, and/or comfort level with another individual. For example, someone who is aegosexual may enjoy thinking about sexual activities involving others but may feel repulsed upon the thought of personally participating in such activities.[27][28]
In fiction
[edit]Demisexuality is a common theme (ortrope) in romantic novels that has been termed "compulsory demisexuality".[29]In this genre, the paradigm or trope of sex being only truly pleasurable and fulfilling when the partners are in love is a trait most commonly associated with female characters. The added requirements for a connection to occur may engender or reinforce feelings that the connection is unique or special.[30][31]
See also
[edit]
References
[edit]- ^abcdefghDemmer, Jenna (February 22, 2023)."Everything You Need to Know About Demisexuality".Health.Archived fromthe originalon March 20, 2023.RetrievedAugust 7,2023.
- ^"Queer 101".Old Dominion University.Retrieved2022-07-19.
- ^ab"Explore the spectrum: guide to finding your ace community".GLAAD.2018-06-25.Retrieved2022-07-20.
- ^"Sexual orientation - APA Style".apastyle.apa.org.Retrieved2024-02-12.
- ^abc"What Is Demisexuality?".WebMD.Retrieved2022-09-04.
- ^abcIqbal, Nosheen (September 7, 2019)."No lust at first sight: why thousands are now identifying as 'demisexual'".The Guardian.Archived fromthe originalon September 7, 2019.RetrievedJuly 7,2023.
- ^"What Is Demisexuality?".Feeld.Retrieved2022-07-20.
- ^Decker, Julie Sondra (2015)."Grayromanticism".The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality.Simon and Schuster.ISBN978-1510700642.Archivedfrom the original on October 22, 2020.RetrievedApril 24,2020.
- ^Kurowicka, Anna; Przybylo, Ela (2020)."Polish Asexualities: Catholic Religiosity and Asexual Online Activisms in Poland".In Buyantueva, Radzhana; Shevtsova, Maryna (eds.).LGBTQ+ Activism in Central and Eastern Europe: Resistance, Representation and Identity.Palgrave Macmillan.p. 297.ISBN978-3030204013.Archivedfrom the original on October 28, 2020.RetrievedApril 24,2020.
- ^Pasquier, Morgan (2018-10-18)."Explore the spectrum: Guide to finding your ace community".glaad.org.Archivedfrom the original on August 1, 2020.RetrievedJuly 22,2020.
- ^"Asexual".Archivedfrom the original on April 6, 2021.RetrievedJuly 22,2020.
- ^"Content warning: May contain notes on the OED March 2022 update".March 15, 2022.
- ^O'Brien, Sara Ashley (2019-06-04)."Tinder adds sexual orientation feature to aid LGBTQ matching | CNN Business".CNN.Retrieved2023-01-06.
- ^"Demisexual: Understanding What It Means & FAQs".Cleveland Clinic.Retrieved2022-07-19.
- ^"Demisexuality: The Gray Area of Asexuality".Blood & Milk.2018-04-08.Retrieved2022-07-23.
- ^"What demisexual means and how to be an ally".Newsweek.2021-06-24.Retrieved2022-07-23.
- ^Hubert, Nori Rose (July 10, 2021)."5 Damaging Misconceptions About Demisexuality".Healthy Place.Archived fromthe originalon July 10, 2021.RetrievedAugust 8,2023.
- ^White, Ro (2021-04-13)."You Need Help: How Do I Explore Casual Sex If I'm Demisexual?".Autostraddle.Retrieved2022-07-26.
- ^Barghiel, Naomi (September 13, 2019)."Can Demisexuals Have Casual Sex?".Her Campus.Archived fromthe originalon May 12, 2021.RetrievedAugust 7,2023.
- ^Huang, Yi; Lyu, Jinyun; Xue, Xiaodi; Peng, Kaiping (2020-10-12)."Cognitive basis for the development of aesthetic preference: Findings from symmetry preference".PLOS ONE.15(10): e0239973.Bibcode:2020PLoSO..1539973H.doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0239973.ISSN1932-6203.PMC7549785.PMID33045015.
- ^"Aesthetic attraction and being on the asexual spectrum".Archer Magazine.2017-04-19.Retrieved2022-07-20.
- ^Karhulahti, Veli-Matti; Välisalo, Tanja (2021-01-12)."Fictosexuality, Fictoromance, and Fictophilia: A Qualitative Study of Love and Desire for Fictional Characters".Frontiers in Psychology.11:575427.doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.575427.ISSN1664-1078.PMC7835123.PMID33510665.
- ^"Attitudes Toward Romance or Sex – The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project".Retrieved2022-07-23.
- ^Wynne, Griffin (2021-08-02)."Sex-Repulsed".Cosmopolitan.Retrieved2022-07-20.
- ^Wareham, Jamie."How To Be An Asexual Ally: Learn Why Some Asexual People Have Sex (And Accept That Most Don't)".Forbes.Retrieved2022-07-20.
- ^"About Asexuality and Aromanticism – Asexual & Aromantic Community and Education Club".Retrieved2022-07-20.
- ^Winter-Gray, Thom; Hayfield, Nikki (2019-10-22)."'Can I be a kinky ace?': How asexual people negotiate their experiences of kinks and fetishes ".Psychology & Sexuality.12(3): 163–179.doi:10.1080/19419899.2019.1679866.ISSN1941-9899.S2CID210570094.
- ^Bogaert, Anthony F. (2012)."Asexuality and Autochorissexualism (Identity-Less Sexuality)".Archives of Sexual Behavior.41(6): 1513–1514.doi:10.1007/s10508-012-9963-1.ISSN1573-2800.PMID22576251.S2CID45261209.
- ^McAlister, Jodi. "First Love, Last Love, True Love: Heroines, Heroes, and the Gendered Representation of Love in the Category Romance Novel." Gender & Love, 3rd Global Conference. Mansfield College, Oxford, UK. Vol. 15. 2013
- ^McAlister, Jodi (1 September 2014). "'That complete fusion of spirit as well as body': Heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel ".Australasian Journal of Popular Culture.3(3): 299–310.doi:10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1.
- ^"Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation".The LGBTQ Center at TheUniversity of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.Archivedfrom the original on November 19, 2019.RetrievedJuly 23,2020.
