Kevin A. Patterson > Quotes

“Include and project the voices of underrepresented people in the spaces where their access is limited. Go love, and build, and restore, and speak, and engage, and create. Go be better and do better.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“As a community, we should seek to create an environment that is inclusive of varying perspectives. Flat out, it makes us stronger. Diversity of thoughts and experiences opens us up to new ideas or to approaching old ideas in new ways.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Don't let discomfort silence you when your voice can lead to a better situation for all of us.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Inclusivity has to be seen as abenefitto the community. The lack of diversity has to be seen as adetrimentto that community.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“The thing that makes systemic oppression so difficult to discuss is that when you do, you have to acknowledge your role in it. Often this means having to admit that you're part of the problem. It's not a comfortable experience when you learn that you further or benefit from the oppression of others.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“If a group isn't being actively inclusive, it's being passively exclusive. This passive attitude results in lifestyle communities that do not reflect the local population.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Resources are often limited, and there will never be a universal solution around that, but in many cases it’s still possible to take what you have and make it what you want.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Hand-holding those who don’t share your cultural background to address the needs of people who do, is a tough task. When you are part of a majority or a privileged class, it’s hard to accept that your needs and your perspective are anything but universal. It’s even harder to understand that addressing the needs of the few won’t suddenly marginalize the many. Those “majority needs” and that “privileged perspective” will also be acknowledged and accommodated. That’s fine. They just can’t be the only ones in the spotlight.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“I didn't want to be the kind of privileged person who tells oppressed people what their version of diversity should look like.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Without acknowledging the variety of the human experience, all you get is the perspective of majority representation, which is mostly white and male and straight and able-bodied and cisgender and" traditionally "attractive. None of those things are inherently negative... but neither are their alternatives. So, all deserve some spotlight.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“In the same way that we need to look out for women in ethical non-monogamy, we also need to look out for queer folks, trans people, people with disabilities, the young, the old, the poor, and people of color.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Othering is unique in that it’s a sort of Gateway Microaggression.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“The second thing I want to get into is this myth of a “Big Bad.” This idea of a pure, unquestioned, socially unacceptable source of harm that you can point to whenever harmful behavior is discussed, separating you from it.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Suddenly, I’m in this place where I’m supposed to confirm or deny what he’s telling me? I’m brand new to this space. I’ve never been here. And now, it’s my job to tell this guy that he’s a fuckboy or to walk away.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“In any case, care should be taken to learn how these pop-culture influences and society driven biases affect the way we see people.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“So, if the cultivating of an exclusionary crowd isn’t a coincidence, the creation of an inclusive crowd can’t be either.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Talk to your partners. Talk to your community leaders and event coordinators. Tell your story on social media and invite others to make it a dialogue. Use every bit of access you have to speak your truth, hear the truth of others, and grow as a person, as a community, and as a culture.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“This isn’t necessarily the fault of the cast of shows like Sister Wives or Polyamory: Married and Dating. The producers of these kinds of shows bear some level of responsibility for putting sensationalism ahead of realism for ratings. Although I’m sure that’s the exact parameters of their job. Just like the intentionality of a reality show designed as a ratings grab, if you want to create inclusive representation you have to make it part of your purpose.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“You see, a truism of relationships, human interactions, and of course polyamory, is that if you don’t create an environment that’s receptive to the truth, people will simply stop offering their truth.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“see B&P or my name on an event, they know there will be at least 10 black people there. It encourages black people to come out. Even when we throw an event, it’s fully inclusive and we’ll still only make up a small percentage of the attendees, but [black people)] know they will have people there.” The idea that these groups are unnecessary or that they further divide a small community furthers the notion that white experiences are universal experiences. As I’ve stated earlier, on more occasions than I can count, I’ve found myself as the sole person of color at an event for polyamorous people. Although we all had polyamory in common, once the conversations moved to unrelated territory, I’ve found myself struggling to stay engaged with others…or others struggling to stay engaged with me. It’s not an intentional or malicious disconnect, but it’s something that should be acknowledged, discussed, and understood. If spending time in spaces that cater to our cultural similarities can help us find comfort when we’re in the spaces that do not, both spaces have a valid purpose and right to exist.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Fetishization at its root is about simplification. The perpetrator of fetishization eroticizes a person as an object, a collection of stereotypes, clichés, and tropes to put in a box and categorize. Any manner of media that envisions a marginalized person as a full-fledged human being naturally fights that concept.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“It was as if the writers had used up their limited supply of nuance on the film’s script and only had bucketfuls of played-out tropes left for the comics. It’s a pretty stark example of what happens when you let people tell their own stories…and when you don’t.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“So, “yay” to the supporters of the “the new civil rights movement”? But what about the “old civil rights movement”? The one that never stopped being active? The one that still fights racial inequality at every level of society?”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“So ask yourself a few questions: Does your group consist almost entirely of women? Are all of the latest event’s attendees well-to-do? Does this meetup resemble a gathering of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK)? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” it is not coincidental.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Making changes, to yourself and the world around you, is never easy. If my intent is to put good into this world, it makes more sense to get introspective. How much does my behavior factor directly into the pain others feel? What can I do to reduce that? It helps to remember that as much as it hurts me to hear, it probably hurts them more to say and feel.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“There’s never a shortage of people who need to witness your experiences to make their world feel less lonely.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“It would’ve been really easy to blow off the question. I could’ve said that the neurodiverse crowd simply hadn’t shown up. Or I could’ve cited my own limited knowledge of such disabilities as the reason for a lack of diversity, and that likely would’ve ended the conversation. It also would have ended my blog’s premise of being a resource devoted to offering a platform for the underrepresented. Instead, I took a different tack. I posted the reader’s question publicly and asked for help. Soon after I did this, I received messages from other readers who had more experience with, and knowledge of, disabilities than I had. Through this influx of new information, I was able to reach out to a polyamorous blogger with Asperger’s syndrome. I got some letter-writing assistance from a partner who has some familiarity with Asperger’s, and I communicated the needs of the blog, and let this blogger do their thing. What I received from this blogger, was one of the most personal and informative entries in the blog’s history. Not only was the profile amazing, the author immediately followed up its publishing with a second entry that drove even deeper into the intersection of autism and polyamory. Had the self-identities questions been available then, the follow-up might not have been needed. Instead, that follow-up became the signpost that such a question was necessary. It would be added to the submission form the very next week. So, what happened in this situation, is that I gave up control of my platform, and opened it up to ideas outside of my own. As far as representation goes, the goals of my blog are clear, but I understand that I don’t have the tools to manage them. Not completely and not by myself. Had I kept my hands on the steering wheel, this bit of magic would never have occurred. Furthermore, I’d have lost the idea that my platform was welcoming to neurodiverse people or people with disabilities. I didn’t want to be the kind of privileged person who tells oppressed people what their version of diversity should look like. It’s the reason why I readily accept nominations for blog contributors. Everyone can have a hand in the creative process, in as much as it pertains to them. So, instead of trying to control the narrative, the pen was passed to those with lived experience to express themselves in the way that felt most authentic to them. In response, Poly Role Models became a more honest and welcoming resource, especially with the newly inspired question.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Now that you’re more aware, take this discussion with you. Include and project the voices of underrepresented people in the spaces where their access is limited. Go love, and build, and restore, and speak, and engage, and create. Go be better and do better.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“There has to be a point where the majority starts to care about, and address, needs outside of their own.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“The problematic element in absolving yourself of this example of the Big Bad, is that it closes the conversation without resolution. It silences the voices of the people who experience racism, and would like to see well-meaning, good-natured white people take up a larger role in fighting it. Also, and this should especially matter to white folks, it endangers those friendships with black people who you might have pointed out…but seriously, more on that in a moment.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities