Howard Tayler > Quotes

“Where's your sense of adventure?

It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi.
-Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn”
― Howard Tayler, Resident Mad Scientist

“Maxim 3:
An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 29:
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Right now I've got just two rules to live by.

Rule one: don't taunt elephants.
Rule two: don't stand next to anybody who taunts elephants.

-Sergeant Schlock”
― Howard Tayler, The Tub of Happiness

“Maxim 2:
A sergeant in motion outranks a lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 1:
Pillage,thenburn.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 18:
If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Spy' is such a short ugly word. I prefer 'espionage.' Those extra three syllables really say something.”
― Howard Tayler, Emperor Pius Dei

“Maxim 20:
If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 35:
That which does not kill us has made a tactical error.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler, Under New Management

“Maxim 37:
There is no "overkill."
There is only "open fire" and "reload."

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me.
-Captain Tagon”
― Howard Tayler, Emperor Pius Dei

“Maxim 36:
When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 12:
A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 15:
Only you can prevent friendly fire.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 70:
Failure is not an option. It is mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be thelastthing you do.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Kevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.

Munitions Commander? Why me?

I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part.
-Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn Andreyasn”
― Howard Tayler, The Tub of Happiness

“Maxim 6:
If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 28:
If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 30:
A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 11:
Everything is air-droppable at least once.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 27:
Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Do me a favor, doc?"

"Anything,Captain."

"Stop italicizing the word 'Captain' when you say it."

"Go easy on the fourth wall there, sir."
-Captain Andreyasn & Doctor Bunnigus”
― Howard Tayler, Resident Mad Scientist

“Maxim 4:
Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 31:
Only cheaters prosper.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 9:
Never turn your back on an enemy.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 10:
Sometimes the only way out is through... through the hull.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 34:
If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Maxim 5:
Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
― Howard Tayler

“Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.”
― Howard Tayler, Under New Management