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But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life
Autism acceptance activist and TikTok influencer Paige Layle shares her deeply personal journey to diagnosis and living life autistically.
“For far too long, I was told I was just like everyone else. But as much as everyone tried to convince me, I knew it couldn’t be true. Living just seemed so much harder for me. Whilst the people around me seemed to have no problem being calm and happy, I had panic attacks multiple times a day, where my hyperventilating made my legs numb and sometimes I lost consciousness. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t functioning. And it certainly wasn’t fine.”
Paige Layle was normal. She lived in the countryside with her mom, dad, and brother Graham. She went to school, hung out with friends, and all the while everything seemed so much harder than it needed to be. A break in routine threw off the whole day. If her teacher couldn't answer "why" in class, she dissolved into tears, unable to articulate her own confusion or explain her lack of control.
But Paige was normal. She smiled in photos, picked her feet up when her mom needed to vacuum instead of fleeing the room, and received high grades. She was popular and well-liked. And until she had a full mental breakdown, no one believed her when she claimed that she was not okay.
In But Everyone Feels This Way Paige Layle shares her story as an autistic woman diagnosed late. Armed with the phrase “Autism Spectrum Disorder” (ASD), Paige challenges stigmas, taboos, and stereotypes while learning how to live her authentic, autistic life.
“For far too long, I was told I was just like everyone else. But as much as everyone tried to convince me, I knew it couldn’t be true. Living just seemed so much harder for me. Whilst the people around me seemed to have no problem being calm and happy, I had panic attacks multiple times a day, where my hyperventilating made my legs numb and sometimes I lost consciousness. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t functioning. And it certainly wasn’t fine.”
Paige Layle was normal. She lived in the countryside with her mom, dad, and brother Graham. She went to school, hung out with friends, and all the while everything seemed so much harder than it needed to be. A break in routine threw off the whole day. If her teacher couldn't answer "why" in class, she dissolved into tears, unable to articulate her own confusion or explain her lack of control.
But Paige was normal. She smiled in photos, picked her feet up when her mom needed to vacuum instead of fleeing the room, and received high grades. She was popular and well-liked. And until she had a full mental breakdown, no one believed her when she claimed that she was not okay.
In But Everyone Feels This Way Paige Layle shares her story as an autistic woman diagnosed late. Armed with the phrase “Autism Spectrum Disorder” (ASD), Paige challenges stigmas, taboos, and stereotypes while learning how to live her authentic, autistic life.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published March 26, 2024
About the author
Paige Layle
2books35followersIs a Canadian Autism and ADHD acceptance activist, YouTuber and TikToker.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 123 reviews
March 4, 2024
I was very intrigued to read this after an enlightening conversation with my older brother. Our father, while a very good man, husband and provider- had some offbeat tendencies of which we had talked about for years. One glaring tendency was not being able to really look someone in the eye while speaking to them. My brother speculated, "I wonder if he was autistic?" My father was born in 1924, so the term wasn't "available" back then.
Paige tells her story from early childhood to present day (she's about 23) describing situations that set her apart from everyone. A ton of crying, asking a lot of questions in class when she didn't understand something, preferring to work absolutely alone rather than in groups, being excluded from parties, hearing noises that to others might be subtle or non-existent- but to Paige a relentless persecution in the background. These are just some of her challenges, but she also suffered from depression and the nagging desire to kill herself.
Paige seeks out help through various therapists and psychiatrists, spends a horrific sounding stint in the psych ward, and finally gets the diagnosis of Autism. While she still suffers from her brain being built different than most people, she embraces her diagnosis, establishes boundaries to enhance her life, and freely shares her diagnosis when conflicts arise.
I read the ebook and also listened to the audiobook (which she personally narrated). I enjoyed both versions, but was really impressed with the strength and sense of self that bled through her narration. It was as if every single word was so important to her, and she carefully delivered each sentence with that reverence- and occasional spunk. Paige was a top tier student in school, even rating Valedictorian- and approached her schoolwork with an almost manic attention. She is a young woman with a lot of focus and drive with a purpose to educate people about the Autism diagnosis. I commend Paige for her heartfelt efforts.
Thank you to the publisher Hachette Books / Hachette Audio/ Hachette Go who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
Paige tells her story from early childhood to present day (she's about 23) describing situations that set her apart from everyone. A ton of crying, asking a lot of questions in class when she didn't understand something, preferring to work absolutely alone rather than in groups, being excluded from parties, hearing noises that to others might be subtle or non-existent- but to Paige a relentless persecution in the background. These are just some of her challenges, but she also suffered from depression and the nagging desire to kill herself.
Paige seeks out help through various therapists and psychiatrists, spends a horrific sounding stint in the psych ward, and finally gets the diagnosis of Autism. While she still suffers from her brain being built different than most people, she embraces her diagnosis, establishes boundaries to enhance her life, and freely shares her diagnosis when conflicts arise.
I read the ebook and also listened to the audiobook (which she personally narrated). I enjoyed both versions, but was really impressed with the strength and sense of self that bled through her narration. It was as if every single word was so important to her, and she carefully delivered each sentence with that reverence- and occasional spunk. Paige was a top tier student in school, even rating Valedictorian- and approached her schoolwork with an almost manic attention. She is a young woman with a lot of focus and drive with a purpose to educate people about the Autism diagnosis. I commend Paige for her heartfelt efforts.
Thank you to the publisher Hachette Books / Hachette Audio/ Hachette Go who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
March 5, 2024
In this interesting memoir the author recounts her experiences growing up and struggling to deal with life, change, socializing, school, feelings etc. while dealing with suicidal ideation as well, and finally at 15 getting a diagnosis of autism alongside depression and anxiety.
It gets at how women are often diagnosed later in life because they are socialized differently and often learn how to mask in ways that might lead to them not getting flagged. And I would say the author's experiences and struggles are even more visibly intense than a lot of women diagnosed later in life. I think it's an important conversation that is being had because there are a lot of misconceptions about Autism Spectrum Disorder and what it looks like in a range of people. I would love to see more women opening up about their experiences that may be similar or different, but we also need to talk about how incredibly difficult and expensive it is to get diagnosed as an adult, especially in the United States. Which is part of why there has been a spike in online discussions of self-diagnosis after research and taking online assessments (that have been shown to be accurate based on studies by the way). This isn't the whole picture because people are not the same, but it's an engaging memoir. Note that there is quite a bit of graphic depiction of mental health issues including panic attacks, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and being hospitalized. The audio book is great. I received an audio review copy via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.
It gets at how women are often diagnosed later in life because they are socialized differently and often learn how to mask in ways that might lead to them not getting flagged. And I would say the author's experiences and struggles are even more visibly intense than a lot of women diagnosed later in life. I think it's an important conversation that is being had because there are a lot of misconceptions about Autism Spectrum Disorder and what it looks like in a range of people. I would love to see more women opening up about their experiences that may be similar or different, but we also need to talk about how incredibly difficult and expensive it is to get diagnosed as an adult, especially in the United States. Which is part of why there has been a spike in online discussions of self-diagnosis after research and taking online assessments (that have been shown to be accurate based on studies by the way). This isn't the whole picture because people are not the same, but it's an engaging memoir. Note that there is quite a bit of graphic depiction of mental health issues including panic attacks, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and being hospitalized. The audio book is great. I received an audio review copy via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.
April 30, 2024
As someone on the Autism spectrum myself, only diagnosed within the past decade, I am continuously seeking out information on Autism and how it affects women in particular. It was incredibly powerful to read a memoir that combines experiences, many of which rang true for me as well, with some of the science around the Autistic person’s brain mechanics vs that of a neurotypical individual.
I listened to this on audio, as I tend to do with memoirs, but found myself highlighting quite a few passages. For that reason alone, I think this book makes a fantastic immersive read for anyone looking to expand their knowledge of this prominent disorder and its effects on individuals as well as families.
Read if you like:
•memoirs
•neurodivergent rep
•information on autism and its affect on both kids and adults
•reading about the autism experience
Thank you Hachette Go and Macmillan Audio for the gifted copies.
I listened to this on audio, as I tend to do with memoirs, but found myself highlighting quite a few passages. For that reason alone, I think this book makes a fantastic immersive read for anyone looking to expand their knowledge of this prominent disorder and its effects on individuals as well as families.
Read if you like:
•memoirs
•neurodivergent rep
•information on autism and its affect on both kids and adults
•reading about the autism experience
Thank you Hachette Go and Macmillan Audio for the gifted copies.
May 4, 2024
But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life is a memoir by Paige Layle, a young woman who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 15.
I think many individuals who were diagnosed as a teen or adult would be able to identify with Layle’s experiences. The book would be a good entry point for someone just learning about their own ASD diagnosis or their friends and family. Also, I appreciated that she shared the various treatments she tried, especially the acceptance and commitment therapy, since I was unfamiliar with that.
Layle’s last chapter included her biggest pieces of life advice, which was a nice summation of what she has learned through her experiences. I applaud Layle for sharing her story, as I think it will be inspiring to individuals who can relate to Layle’s life.
Thanks to NetGalley for the advanced copy.
I think many individuals who were diagnosed as a teen or adult would be able to identify with Layle’s experiences. The book would be a good entry point for someone just learning about their own ASD diagnosis or their friends and family. Also, I appreciated that she shared the various treatments she tried, especially the acceptance and commitment therapy, since I was unfamiliar with that.
Layle’s last chapter included her biggest pieces of life advice, which was a nice summation of what she has learned through her experiences. I applaud Layle for sharing her story, as I think it will be inspiring to individuals who can relate to Layle’s life.
Thanks to NetGalley for the advanced copy.
April 7, 2024
With most memoirs, I already have a good sense of who the author is, like in the case of
Making It So
,and I’ve picked up the memoir because I’m interested in hearing their story in their own words. In the case ofBut Everyone Feels This Way,I hadn’t heard of Paige Layle before. Instagram recommended a Reel by her. I don’t remember the Reel or what she said in it, but she mentioned her book coming out soon. I was intrigued, looked it up, and was able to get an eARC through NetGalley/Hachette.
Paige Layle is a twenty-three-year-old from Ontario, Canada—the same province as me, and a fact I only realized when I was well into the book and noticed she was using a lot of Canadian school terms, like saying “Grade 3” instead of “third grade,” and then she mentioned Toronto, and I was like, “CANADIAN. WE HAVE A CANADIAN HERE. FROM ONTARIO LIKE ME.” Sorry, I get unreasonably excited when unexpected Ontarians show up in my to-read list. Anyway, Layle is quite young to write a memoir, but they are passionate about being an autism communicator. Layle takes us chronologically through their life, sharing how they struggled through early childhood and adolescence. She expected her autism diagnosis, received at fifteen, to change everything and was surprised when it didn’t—but it allowed her to better express her needs, work on her relationship with her mom, and figure out what she wanted after high school.
Autism as a condition is drastically misunderstood. At its core,But Everyone Feels This Wayis a first-person account of “discovering” autism. It has two major audiences: allistic people like myself who want to learn more about autistic people’s experiences, and young, neurodivergent people who might be autistic and not realize it. For that latter group, I hope some of them find this book illuminating.
Women in particular are underrepresented among autism diagnoses. This compounds misunderstandings about what it means to be autistic, what “#ActuallyAutistic” looks like, as the hashtag might say. I briefly perused Layle’s Instagram as I prepared to write this review, and I noticed a disturbing trend of comments like so: “You aren’t autistic, stop pretending. If you were autistic you wouldn’t be able to talk to us like this.” Now, it’s no surprise that the comments are a toxic trashfire. Still, I think these comments represent an unwillingness among the public to believe that autistic people can be verbal, can communicate with grace and elegance, can have complex and nuanced takes on things. This comes down to stereotypes—but I’d argue it’s also symptom of insecurity among neurotypical and allistic people who are invested in the idea that autism is something to be feared rather than embraced, at best tolerated as opposed to accepted and even celebrated. It’s these people whom Layle hopes to disarm, I think.
But Everyone Feels This Wayis quite raw and pointed. While some will call Layle’s style simplistic, there is a difference between simplistic andsimple,and Layle’s writing is the latter. It’s clear, and it’s honest—allistic readers are just used to people not saying exactly what they mean, engaging in ellipsis, etc. While I won’t litigate the legitimacy of Layle’s autism, let me say that Layle’s writing is, to me, one of the clearest indicators that they are autistic. It’s not bad writing; it’s just different from the range of styles that tend to be drummed into neurotypical writers—and if that isn’t your thing, cool, but I think you would be missing out.
What I found most compelling about this book is how Layle builds, layer by layer, our understanding of her experience of autism as she moves through the each year of her life. I like to think I had a good handle on general facts about autism, many of which Layle shares in various fact-box sidebars throughout the book. However, there is a difference between holding a mental list of autistic traits in my head and actually hearing an autistic person describe how she embodies and experiences those traits on a daily basis. In this way, this book serves its primary purpose as a memoir: to build a richer empathy for autistic life than a work of more general reference nonfiction could ever achieve.
As a teacher, I found the chapters in which Layle is in high school very helpful and challenging. She describes in detail the process of getting an IEP, an individual education plan (this is the point where I realized she’s in Ontario) and how some teachers would abide by this plan while others would… not. This doesn’t surprise met, but it does sadden me. I would like more Ontario high school teachers to read this book so they can hear directly from an autistic person why the accommodations in an IEP are not niceties, not wants, but needs.
The problem, Layle makes clear here, is not Layle themself. It’s that we built our society for neurotypical people, so neurodivergent people are often at a disadvantage in meeting expectations. School is difficult because you need to be quiet, sit still, not challenge your teacher’s authority or expertise even if you’re confused by how they are teaching you, etc. Neurotypical people, and most allistic, neurodivergent people like myself, learn how to play the game well enough to mostly fit in. (In my case, for example, I can relate to a lot of Layle’s experience in terms of being highly intelligent and academically motivated while not very socially involved. However, I didn’t experience her struggles to understand her teachers’ or peers’ emotions and motivations, so I had an easier time figuring out “how to behave” in high school. This is the privilege of an allistic brain.)
Ironically, for a book with a subtitle all about the diagnosis itself, this aspect of the book seems to be the least well-developed. I thought it was really interesting how Layle admits to disappointment that their diagnosis did not magically fix how people relate to them—there is a particular scene between Layle and their former best friend that highlights this keenly. I wish Layle had gone more into this side of things, but instead she focuses more on how the diagnosis changed her family dynamic.
This isn’t a perfect book, and of course it behoves me to observe that Layle in many ways fits the mould of influencer: young, white, woman.But Everyone Feels This Wayruns the risk of being elevated into some universal tale of autistic experience because we would like it to be that simple. We like it when we can read one book about something and say we know about that identity. But it’s not that simple, of course. Layle can’t speak for all autistic people, doesn’t pretend to, and if you expect this to be a general crash course in autism, look elsewhere. Although there are some basic definitions and facts sprinkled throughout, this book is amemoirfirst—it just happens to be a memoir by an Actually Autistic person.
And that, in my opinion, is a good enough reason to pick it up. Layle’s unrelenting honesty, the way she matter-of-factly links her struggles to her suicide ideation and attempts, is a good enough reason to keep reading to the end. Because ultimately this is a book about someone trying to come to terms with the fact that the world was not built for them—and the people for whom it was built have no idea just how different things seem the people on the outside. Sometimes bemused, sometimes distraught, sometimes nonchalant, Layle’s memories reveal the kaleidoscope of rich, wonderful, uplifting, terrifying truths that accompany being a young autistic person coming of age in the 2010s and navigating adulthood in the 2020s.
Originally posted onKara.Reviews.
Paige Layle is a twenty-three-year-old from Ontario, Canada—the same province as me, and a fact I only realized when I was well into the book and noticed she was using a lot of Canadian school terms, like saying “Grade 3” instead of “third grade,” and then she mentioned Toronto, and I was like, “CANADIAN. WE HAVE A CANADIAN HERE. FROM ONTARIO LIKE ME.” Sorry, I get unreasonably excited when unexpected Ontarians show up in my to-read list. Anyway, Layle is quite young to write a memoir, but they are passionate about being an autism communicator. Layle takes us chronologically through their life, sharing how they struggled through early childhood and adolescence. She expected her autism diagnosis, received at fifteen, to change everything and was surprised when it didn’t—but it allowed her to better express her needs, work on her relationship with her mom, and figure out what she wanted after high school.
Autism as a condition is drastically misunderstood. At its core,But Everyone Feels This Wayis a first-person account of “discovering” autism. It has two major audiences: allistic people like myself who want to learn more about autistic people’s experiences, and young, neurodivergent people who might be autistic and not realize it. For that latter group, I hope some of them find this book illuminating.
Women in particular are underrepresented among autism diagnoses. This compounds misunderstandings about what it means to be autistic, what “#ActuallyAutistic” looks like, as the hashtag might say. I briefly perused Layle’s Instagram as I prepared to write this review, and I noticed a disturbing trend of comments like so: “You aren’t autistic, stop pretending. If you were autistic you wouldn’t be able to talk to us like this.” Now, it’s no surprise that the comments are a toxic trashfire. Still, I think these comments represent an unwillingness among the public to believe that autistic people can be verbal, can communicate with grace and elegance, can have complex and nuanced takes on things. This comes down to stereotypes—but I’d argue it’s also symptom of insecurity among neurotypical and allistic people who are invested in the idea that autism is something to be feared rather than embraced, at best tolerated as opposed to accepted and even celebrated. It’s these people whom Layle hopes to disarm, I think.
But Everyone Feels This Wayis quite raw and pointed. While some will call Layle’s style simplistic, there is a difference between simplistic andsimple,and Layle’s writing is the latter. It’s clear, and it’s honest—allistic readers are just used to people not saying exactly what they mean, engaging in ellipsis, etc. While I won’t litigate the legitimacy of Layle’s autism, let me say that Layle’s writing is, to me, one of the clearest indicators that they are autistic. It’s not bad writing; it’s just different from the range of styles that tend to be drummed into neurotypical writers—and if that isn’t your thing, cool, but I think you would be missing out.
What I found most compelling about this book is how Layle builds, layer by layer, our understanding of her experience of autism as she moves through the each year of her life. I like to think I had a good handle on general facts about autism, many of which Layle shares in various fact-box sidebars throughout the book. However, there is a difference between holding a mental list of autistic traits in my head and actually hearing an autistic person describe how she embodies and experiences those traits on a daily basis. In this way, this book serves its primary purpose as a memoir: to build a richer empathy for autistic life than a work of more general reference nonfiction could ever achieve.
As a teacher, I found the chapters in which Layle is in high school very helpful and challenging. She describes in detail the process of getting an IEP, an individual education plan (this is the point where I realized she’s in Ontario) and how some teachers would abide by this plan while others would… not. This doesn’t surprise met, but it does sadden me. I would like more Ontario high school teachers to read this book so they can hear directly from an autistic person why the accommodations in an IEP are not niceties, not wants, but needs.
The problem, Layle makes clear here, is not Layle themself. It’s that we built our society for neurotypical people, so neurodivergent people are often at a disadvantage in meeting expectations. School is difficult because you need to be quiet, sit still, not challenge your teacher’s authority or expertise even if you’re confused by how they are teaching you, etc. Neurotypical people, and most allistic, neurodivergent people like myself, learn how to play the game well enough to mostly fit in. (In my case, for example, I can relate to a lot of Layle’s experience in terms of being highly intelligent and academically motivated while not very socially involved. However, I didn’t experience her struggles to understand her teachers’ or peers’ emotions and motivations, so I had an easier time figuring out “how to behave” in high school. This is the privilege of an allistic brain.)
Ironically, for a book with a subtitle all about the diagnosis itself, this aspect of the book seems to be the least well-developed. I thought it was really interesting how Layle admits to disappointment that their diagnosis did not magically fix how people relate to them—there is a particular scene between Layle and their former best friend that highlights this keenly. I wish Layle had gone more into this side of things, but instead she focuses more on how the diagnosis changed her family dynamic.
This isn’t a perfect book, and of course it behoves me to observe that Layle in many ways fits the mould of influencer: young, white, woman.But Everyone Feels This Wayruns the risk of being elevated into some universal tale of autistic experience because we would like it to be that simple. We like it when we can read one book about something and say we know about that identity. But it’s not that simple, of course. Layle can’t speak for all autistic people, doesn’t pretend to, and if you expect this to be a general crash course in autism, look elsewhere. Although there are some basic definitions and facts sprinkled throughout, this book is amemoirfirst—it just happens to be a memoir by an Actually Autistic person.
And that, in my opinion, is a good enough reason to pick it up. Layle’s unrelenting honesty, the way she matter-of-factly links her struggles to her suicide ideation and attempts, is a good enough reason to keep reading to the end. Because ultimately this is a book about someone trying to come to terms with the fact that the world was not built for them—and the people for whom it was built have no idea just how different things seem the people on the outside. Sometimes bemused, sometimes distraught, sometimes nonchalant, Layle’s memories reveal the kaleidoscope of rich, wonderful, uplifting, terrifying truths that accompany being a young autistic person coming of age in the 2010s and navigating adulthood in the 2020s.
Originally posted onKara.Reviews.
September 15, 2023
There is comfort
in shared struggle.
I adored this book.
As an autistic person myself, much of this was really hard to read because of how relatable it was to my own experience. That said, it is also so validating in a "wow, someone else has felt the exact same way as I have felt before".
But this book isn't just about Layle's personal life as an autistic person. This could be an excellent introduction to autism: if you have never read about what it is like to live in North America as an autistic person, this is a perfect first autistic perspective to encounter, because she also explains so much about:
- what is autism
- the process of diagnosing
- labels related to autism (and why we don't use "functioning" and "asperger" )
- how completely different autistic people can be from one another
- the many cooccurring conditions that are common with autism
- how it impacts every aspect of who you are
- that the world we live in is built by and for allistic people, and it is good to question how things could change to be more inclusive and fair
It is a very good overview of what everyone should know about autism, the level of basic knowledge that I wish the general population had. I especially wish it was mandatory reading for adults working with autistic children.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been recently diagnosedor self-diagnosed (I won't get into how problematic and difficult diagnosis can be),anyone who knows someone who is autistic or genuinely just anyone who wants to learn from a first person perspective what being autistic means.
Infinite thank yous to the author for writing this book. I cannot imagine it was an easy process, and it now offers me an incredible resource which I cannot wait to acquire so I can keep it in my collection to lend to friends and family who definitely need to read this book so they can better understand me.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette for the opportunity to read this ARC. This book comes out on March 26th, 2024.
in shared struggle.
I adored this book.
As an autistic person myself, much of this was really hard to read because of how relatable it was to my own experience. That said, it is also so validating in a "wow, someone else has felt the exact same way as I have felt before".
But this book isn't just about Layle's personal life as an autistic person. This could be an excellent introduction to autism: if you have never read about what it is like to live in North America as an autistic person, this is a perfect first autistic perspective to encounter, because she also explains so much about:
- what is autism
- the process of diagnosing
- labels related to autism (and why we don't use "functioning" and "asperger" )
- how completely different autistic people can be from one another
- the many cooccurring conditions that are common with autism
- how it impacts every aspect of who you are
- that the world we live in is built by and for allistic people, and it is good to question how things could change to be more inclusive and fair
It is a very good overview of what everyone should know about autism, the level of basic knowledge that I wish the general population had. I especially wish it was mandatory reading for adults working with autistic children.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been recently diagnosedor self-diagnosed (I won't get into how problematic and difficult diagnosis can be),anyone who knows someone who is autistic or genuinely just anyone who wants to learn from a first person perspective what being autistic means.
Infinite thank yous to the author for writing this book. I cannot imagine it was an easy process, and it now offers me an incredible resource which I cannot wait to acquire so I can keep it in my collection to lend to friends and family who definitely need to read this book so they can better understand me.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette for the opportunity to read this ARC. This book comes out on March 26th, 2024.
Shelved as 'dnf'
April 10, 2024DNFing at 52%. I was having a hard time processing this book (the writing style reads like a stream of consciousness and it’s very messy) but after looking up the author, I see a lot of controversy around the way they advocate for autistic people. They’ve also posted several videos that they’ve taken down due to controversy around their takes. Don’t know enough to really form an opinion, or how much of it is true, but I’m setting this aside. Controversy aside, I was expecting a more thorough look at autism in general, and this memoir is lacking structure.
October 12, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Every autistic person has a different story to tell and as the saying goes, if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. It's refreshing to read autism book from an adult female's perspective. I was diagnosed at age 40 and felt very misunderstood during my years in school too. I'm so glad she was able to be diagnosed to at least get some help. It's sad her parents and other people were so unsupportive for so long. Hopefully this book will shed some light for those who are or know someone who is autistic.
Every autistic person has a different story to tell and as the saying goes, if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. It's refreshing to read autism book from an adult female's perspective. I was diagnosed at age 40 and felt very misunderstood during my years in school too. I'm so glad she was able to be diagnosed to at least get some help. It's sad her parents and other people were so unsupportive for so long. Hopefully this book will shed some light for those who are or know someone who is autistic.
April 12, 2024
I have been so excited for this book since Paige mentioned it on TikTok months ago. I knew it was going to be good, and I was right. But I’ll start off with what other people may want to know:
This is a really good “starter” autism book. If you know nothing about autism, especially in girls, this is readable. Paige does a great job at mixing in facts about autism and stories from her own life. If you know lots about autism and just want another great book, her reflections on cooccuring conditions throughout the book are great! It is also, in general, a wonderful memoir as it is told in chronological order (THANK you, Paige) and is set up pre-autism diagnosis and post-autism diagnosis, which I found interesting.
Now, back to what makes this book good for ME:
I’ve followed Paige on TikTok for at least 3 years now. She was one of the first autistic TikTokers I followed when I became obsessed with following as many as I could in 2020/2021. Her experience resonated with mine SO much that she helped me feel solidified in my own self-diagnosis. Her memoir resonated with me even more because I got to hear everything she went through. So much of her childhood reminds me of mine, and she put some thoughts and feelings into words that I don’t think I could’ve ever come up with. While Paige and I are dissimilar in many ways, especially as adults, I think anyone who knows me could (and should) read this memoir to understand me a little better.
This is a really good “starter” autism book. If you know nothing about autism, especially in girls, this is readable. Paige does a great job at mixing in facts about autism and stories from her own life. If you know lots about autism and just want another great book, her reflections on cooccuring conditions throughout the book are great! It is also, in general, a wonderful memoir as it is told in chronological order (THANK you, Paige) and is set up pre-autism diagnosis and post-autism diagnosis, which I found interesting.
Now, back to what makes this book good for ME:
I’ve followed Paige on TikTok for at least 3 years now. She was one of the first autistic TikTokers I followed when I became obsessed with following as many as I could in 2020/2021. Her experience resonated with mine SO much that she helped me feel solidified in my own self-diagnosis. Her memoir resonated with me even more because I got to hear everything she went through. So much of her childhood reminds me of mine, and she put some thoughts and feelings into words that I don’t think I could’ve ever come up with. While Paige and I are dissimilar in many ways, especially as adults, I think anyone who knows me could (and should) read this memoir to understand me a little better.
March 20, 2024
Thank you Hachette Go & Hachette Audio for my gifted copies ♥️
Autism acceptance influencer Paige Layle takes readers along on her deeply personal journey of living with autism, before and after diagnosis.
I LOVED THIS BOOK!!! As someone not on the spectrum, I learned so much from Layle's intimate account of life with autism, and the importance of receiving a diagnosis and appropriate support. This is written incredibly well, as Layle blends humor with candor, delivering a captivating, unputdownable memoir that leaves readers inspired, awed, and educated. I can see this book being really affirming for folks on the spectrum, or those with loved ones on the spectrum.
Layle narrates the audiobook herself and I loved reading along with the audiobook in my headphones. She is a gifted storyteller and hearing this in her own voice added to my experience, for sure!
What a remarkable young woman doing such important work! Highly recommend this book!!!! ❤️
Autism acceptance influencer Paige Layle takes readers along on her deeply personal journey of living with autism, before and after diagnosis.
I LOVED THIS BOOK!!! As someone not on the spectrum, I learned so much from Layle's intimate account of life with autism, and the importance of receiving a diagnosis and appropriate support. This is written incredibly well, as Layle blends humor with candor, delivering a captivating, unputdownable memoir that leaves readers inspired, awed, and educated. I can see this book being really affirming for folks on the spectrum, or those with loved ones on the spectrum.
Layle narrates the audiobook herself and I loved reading along with the audiobook in my headphones. She is a gifted storyteller and hearing this in her own voice added to my experience, for sure!
What a remarkable young woman doing such important work! Highly recommend this book!!!! ❤️
Want to read
March 9, 2024Release: march 26, 2004
September 23, 2023
I cannot begin to express how much I adored this read!
While everyone’s ASD journey is unique; I found so many parallels between Paige’s story and my own experiences. Finally something where I can honestly say “someone else understands me and what I have been through”
5 beautifully written stars!
While everyone’s ASD journey is unique; I found so many parallels between Paige’s story and my own experiences. Finally something where I can honestly say “someone else understands me and what I have been through”
5 beautifully written stars!
May 14, 2024
We know the rules- if I cry, it gets 5 stars. Paige expressed so much that I think could have been pulled from my own brain. I knew I would likely find answers in this, but I did not expect to see myself so clearly in her story. Maybe one day I’ll share more, but for now, my favorite highlights:
“If everyone felt the same way I did, how come it seemed like I was the only one who didn’t want to be here anymore? What was wrong with me? Living seemed so much harder for me than for everyone else.”
“I’m not crazy. I’m not making it up. I’m not manipulative or trying to fake anything. I am actually really not having an okay time and I haven’t been for a while, and there’s a reason why. There’s a reason why I’m the way that I am. There’s a reason why I feel the things I feel and do the things I do. And it’s not because I am an attention seeker or a drama queen or a diva. So many of my questions have one clear answer. Every part of me is autistic. I’ve been autistic for fifteen years and this psychiatrist is just figuring it out now.”
“little me: i run my fingers over her sharp edges. “don’t they hurt you?” she asks, in her little voice. “no, they don’t,” i reply. “you gave me such strong hands your edges aren’t sharp to me. i was made to run my fingers over the hard parts of you, and i will hold the most painful parts of you for as long as you need—” i don’t know if it’s my voice, or my calloused hands, but she becomes softer.”
“I was tiny, with no idea of why, or how, or even where I was on fire all the time. “You’re not on fire!” people metaphorically told me. “We’re all on fire! Everyone feels this way.” But they were wrong.”
“Finally, I want to thank Little Paige, for not killing herself, for surviving every awful day and creating the life I have now. The flowers are beautiful. I’m glad I’m here.”
“If everyone felt the same way I did, how come it seemed like I was the only one who didn’t want to be here anymore? What was wrong with me? Living seemed so much harder for me than for everyone else.”
“I’m not crazy. I’m not making it up. I’m not manipulative or trying to fake anything. I am actually really not having an okay time and I haven’t been for a while, and there’s a reason why. There’s a reason why I’m the way that I am. There’s a reason why I feel the things I feel and do the things I do. And it’s not because I am an attention seeker or a drama queen or a diva. So many of my questions have one clear answer. Every part of me is autistic. I’ve been autistic for fifteen years and this psychiatrist is just figuring it out now.”
“little me: i run my fingers over her sharp edges. “don’t they hurt you?” she asks, in her little voice. “no, they don’t,” i reply. “you gave me such strong hands your edges aren’t sharp to me. i was made to run my fingers over the hard parts of you, and i will hold the most painful parts of you for as long as you need—” i don’t know if it’s my voice, or my calloused hands, but she becomes softer.”
“I was tiny, with no idea of why, or how, or even where I was on fire all the time. “You’re not on fire!” people metaphorically told me. “We’re all on fire! Everyone feels this way.” But they were wrong.”
“Finally, I want to thank Little Paige, for not killing herself, for surviving every awful day and creating the life I have now. The flowers are beautiful. I’m glad I’m here.”
March 18, 2024
By far one of the BEST autism memoirs I've read! This is a deeply personal, open book about the autism influencer author's journey to getting an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis, her struggles with self-acceptance, depression and suicidal ideation as well as great commentary and insights into societal ableism and how one autistic person's experience is only one autistic person's experience.
HIGHLY, highly recommended, especially on audio read by the author herself. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital and audio copy in exchange for my honest review. Perfect for fans of books like fellow Canadian, Sarah Kurchak's award-winning "I overcame my autism and all I got was this lousy anxiety disorder."
HIGHLY, highly recommended, especially on audio read by the author herself. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital and audio copy in exchange for my honest review. Perfect for fans of books like fellow Canadian, Sarah Kurchak's award-winning "I overcame my autism and all I got was this lousy anxiety disorder."
April 7, 2024
Rating this based on how it made me feel, as I found so many of Paige's stories so relatable.
June 13, 2024
I went back and forth on whether to give this 5/5 for one reason; I'm concerned this book could seem to romanticize an autism diagnosis for those in the midst of their own search for answers. Or maybe I'm projecting.
How is she supposed to write about her diagnosis and the relief that came from it without readers ending up with a hope of some kind of diagnosis of their own (autism or otherwise)? No clue, I'm just the reviewer.
Regardless of my concerns, the info shared and myth busting done throughout this book is much needed in this time of SO MUCH mental health/general medical misinformation going around. I'd highly recommend this to anyone who has curiousites about Autism or hopes to better understand the life of someone diagnosed with it.
How is she supposed to write about her diagnosis and the relief that came from it without readers ending up with a hope of some kind of diagnosis of their own (autism or otherwise)? No clue, I'm just the reviewer.
Regardless of my concerns, the info shared and myth busting done throughout this book is much needed in this time of SO MUCH mental health/general medical misinformation going around. I'd highly recommend this to anyone who has curiousites about Autism or hopes to better understand the life of someone diagnosed with it.
May 13, 2024
I have many thoughts about this memoir, but they can be summed up in how it made me feel: intrigued, emotional and contrarian.
I enjoy reading memoirs because it allows me to experience (to a certain extent) lives I will never get to experience. And also because I'm probably a gossipy busybody haha. This memoir delivered that: it allowed me to see the world with a brain unlike my own. There were many parts that made me very emotional, I got so deep into the narration that I could actuallyfeelPaige's frustration and emotional upheavals. I think that if a writer can make you feel that much that means that they have successfully communicated their thoughts and feelings. Listening to the audiobook, which is narrated by Paige Layle, definitely helped convey her meaning even better.
However, it also made me very irritated and disgruntled at some of the messages being transmitted which were along the lines of the modern, self-congratulatory pseudo-psychology that currently is rampant in social media. A number of the conclusions she made throughout her book are in complete opposition to the factual evidence within the experiences she narrates here. A number of things rubbed me the wrong way, especially her dismissiveness towards people she deemed "inferior" for not being "as intelligent as her", and her utter disregard for others' experiences and pain while demanding others to understand hers.
It was not all bad though, there were some good messages here, one of them being thateven if everyone feels "this" way, it doesn't diminish your struggle nor the right for your pain to be taken seriously and to get help.
As an individual, I don't vibe with her at all, but as a reader, I applaud her for her efforts in objectivity, in helping bring awareness to ASD struggles, and in not trying to be likeable and perfect. I do think that this is a book that will help those who read it to understand what neurodivergent experience might be like. But as the author herself writes, this is justoneof many accounts on what it is like to be autistic, so the more one reads about other's experiences the more informed and less biased we will become.
I enjoy reading memoirs because it allows me to experience (to a certain extent) lives I will never get to experience. And also because I'm probably a gossipy busybody haha. This memoir delivered that: it allowed me to see the world with a brain unlike my own. There were many parts that made me very emotional, I got so deep into the narration that I could actuallyfeelPaige's frustration and emotional upheavals. I think that if a writer can make you feel that much that means that they have successfully communicated their thoughts and feelings. Listening to the audiobook, which is narrated by Paige Layle, definitely helped convey her meaning even better.
However, it also made me very irritated and disgruntled at some of the messages being transmitted which were along the lines of the modern, self-congratulatory pseudo-psychology that currently is rampant in social media. A number of the conclusions she made throughout her book are in complete opposition to the factual evidence within the experiences she narrates here. A number of things rubbed me the wrong way, especially her dismissiveness towards people she deemed "inferior" for not being "as intelligent as her", and her utter disregard for others' experiences and pain while demanding others to understand hers.
It was not all bad though, there were some good messages here, one of them being thateven if everyone feels "this" way, it doesn't diminish your struggle nor the right for your pain to be taken seriously and to get help.
As an individual, I don't vibe with her at all, but as a reader, I applaud her for her efforts in objectivity, in helping bring awareness to ASD struggles, and in not trying to be likeable and perfect. I do think that this is a book that will help those who read it to understand what neurodivergent experience might be like. But as the author herself writes, this is justoneof many accounts on what it is like to be autistic, so the more one reads about other's experiences the more informed and less biased we will become.
January 25, 2024
This book read like a high school report. The language and the way she littered copy paste facts through out the book. It felt strange to read a memoir of someone so young who hasn’t lived much.
Would be good book for therapist to recommend to a young person getting diagnosed. One time a therapist recommended a book for me that was pretty baseline but so eye opening for me at the time. I think this book could do that for a tween getting diagnosed for the first time that they are in the spectrum.
It also felt weird reading a whole book of someone complaining about their experience that has grown up with so much advantage and privilege. The nice school, after school programs, multiple therapists, and opportunity to be enrolled in a mental hospital… and even the super supportive mom who did things like add her asd to her school file immediately.
Has a whole section about ableism but says ableist things on social media.
Quote from one of her videos: “non vocal autistics have no thoughts no brain. “
She says multiple times in the book how highly intelligent she is. More than anyone she knows. I found this exciting because she has been called out on social media for saying she knows better how to raise an autistic child more than any parent.
This was a fun social experiment. I didnt love the book. I don’t think I much like the author either.
Thank you hachette books for the digital ARC of this book.
Would be good book for therapist to recommend to a young person getting diagnosed. One time a therapist recommended a book for me that was pretty baseline but so eye opening for me at the time. I think this book could do that for a tween getting diagnosed for the first time that they are in the spectrum.
It also felt weird reading a whole book of someone complaining about their experience that has grown up with so much advantage and privilege. The nice school, after school programs, multiple therapists, and opportunity to be enrolled in a mental hospital… and even the super supportive mom who did things like add her asd to her school file immediately.
Has a whole section about ableism but says ableist things on social media.
Quote from one of her videos: “non vocal autistics have no thoughts no brain. “
She says multiple times in the book how highly intelligent she is. More than anyone she knows. I found this exciting because she has been called out on social media for saying she knows better how to raise an autistic child more than any parent.
This was a fun social experiment. I didnt love the book. I don’t think I much like the author either.
Thank you hachette books for the digital ARC of this book.
March 6, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed reading Paige’s memoir! Her voice and writing style were excellent and gave me a real picture of what it’s like to live as an Autistic person. Though I couldn’t relate first-hand to many of her experiences, being able to understand how she experiences the world was incredibly mind opening. I absolutely think memoirs like this are a must read for everyone so that we can keep all disabilities/identities/experiences in mind when interacting with others. Paige has a gift for sharing her story and I look forward to seeing whatever she does next.
Thank you to Paige and Goodreads for doing a giveaway of the ARC! I was really grateful to win a giveaway especially for a book that I find this important.
Thank you to Paige and Goodreads for doing a giveaway of the ARC! I was really grateful to win a giveaway especially for a book that I find this important.
June 19, 2024
I saw this book at the library and knew I had to pick it up. My grandson (23) recently got an autism diagnosis and I wasn't buying it, but want to respect his own ability to determine his own course in life and find ways to release my judgments. This book helped.
When she tells her boyfriend after her diagnosis at age 15 she insisted, "I haven't changed at all. The diagnosis is all about finding out something about yourself, not creating something about yourself." Although she does change because gradually she gives herself permission to be her real self, not her masked self. Like she never let on how much the sound of the vacuum was bothering her and then when she tells her mother she's always had a problem with the vacuum and her mother thinks she's lying or manipulative. Some of her journey was figuring out how to accept herself just as she was, not trying to figure out what other people would think of her. In my mind these are also things 'everyone' goes through, but at the same time they are not. The author really shows her vulnerability and how exhausting it can be to try to answer these questions.
In the discussion about being 'disabled' (I cringed a little at this because, like my grandson, this is not a person who appears DISABLED to me) but this line helped me: "There's never a time when I, a disabled person, need to be corrected by an abled person regarding how I refer to myself. There isn't a time when an abled person can tell me that I am wrong about me." She's young, maybe she'll revise the way she labels abled and disabled, but it translates to anyone who's living on the edges of the status quo-- racially, economically, intellectually, sexually--no, maybe anybody who's living at all. We should never think we can generalize about a person, any person. That should be the takeaway.
I like how she talks about dismantling oppressive systems, and that she embraced a commitment to share her story to help others.
She tells a story near the end about wanting to be valedictorian in 12th grade (as she was in 8th grade, before her diagnosis). Her response to a friend who said something stupid was Fuck off. It reminded me of an encounter I had recently with an incredible activist (who had mentioned in passing during meetings being 'autistic'--super smart. Super committed. Doing it all, and always in a generous way. No doubt exhausted from all that). I had misread something she said and my response angered her and then she just got more and more angry until she wanted me to fuck off. I felt terrible about the whole thing, I will probably never see her again, but I feel like this book helped me understand her 'disability' just a little better.
And I'm definitely letting go of my judgments about my grandson's quest for life on his own terms. More important to keep the communication path open.
When she tells her boyfriend after her diagnosis at age 15 she insisted, "I haven't changed at all. The diagnosis is all about finding out something about yourself, not creating something about yourself." Although she does change because gradually she gives herself permission to be her real self, not her masked self. Like she never let on how much the sound of the vacuum was bothering her and then when she tells her mother she's always had a problem with the vacuum and her mother thinks she's lying or manipulative. Some of her journey was figuring out how to accept herself just as she was, not trying to figure out what other people would think of her. In my mind these are also things 'everyone' goes through, but at the same time they are not. The author really shows her vulnerability and how exhausting it can be to try to answer these questions.
In the discussion about being 'disabled' (I cringed a little at this because, like my grandson, this is not a person who appears DISABLED to me) but this line helped me: "There's never a time when I, a disabled person, need to be corrected by an abled person regarding how I refer to myself. There isn't a time when an abled person can tell me that I am wrong about me." She's young, maybe she'll revise the way she labels abled and disabled, but it translates to anyone who's living on the edges of the status quo-- racially, economically, intellectually, sexually--no, maybe anybody who's living at all. We should never think we can generalize about a person, any person. That should be the takeaway.
I like how she talks about dismantling oppressive systems, and that she embraced a commitment to share her story to help others.
She tells a story near the end about wanting to be valedictorian in 12th grade (as she was in 8th grade, before her diagnosis). Her response to a friend who said something stupid was Fuck off. It reminded me of an encounter I had recently with an incredible activist (who had mentioned in passing during meetings being 'autistic'--super smart. Super committed. Doing it all, and always in a generous way. No doubt exhausted from all that). I had misread something she said and my response angered her and then she just got more and more angry until she wanted me to fuck off. I felt terrible about the whole thing, I will probably never see her again, but I feel like this book helped me understand her 'disability' just a little better.
And I'm definitely letting go of my judgments about my grandson's quest for life on his own terms. More important to keep the communication path open.
Read
March 6, 2024Book Review — “But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life” by Paige Layle
Pub Info — Coming on March 26, 2024 from @hachettebooks @hachetteus @hachettego. Currently has a 4.26 average & 30 reviews on Goodreads.
Categories — Nonfiction, Memoir/Biography, Autism & Spectrum Disorders, Autism in Women & Children, Advocacy, Psychology
The Author — Paige Layle is a “autism acceptance activist” on YouTube and TikTok. She was diagnosed with ASD at 15. @paigelayle is her handle. She makes videos on TikTok and has over 2.5 million followers.
Quick Summary — Layle, now in her 20s, writes on her experience growing up and being “diagnosed late” with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
More Info & Thoughts ⤵️
🌸 This is an informal look at ASD in young girls in a modern age. While it is an informal biographical & anecdotal account, Layle connects her experiences with psychology.
🌸 I don’t know anything about Layle outside of this book. I didn’t know about her advocacy or TikTok; I just thought the book sounded interesting. That being said, it definitely resonated with me. Passages felt like they could’ve been lifted right out of my memories — knowing you didn’t fit in, something was off with your socialization or personality and your peers knew it, but you really didn’t know why and teachers just separated you from the class and gave you extra work 😂
🌸 These stories reflect back on themes of the diagnosis — rigidity, adherence to structure, discipline, topic obsession, social missteps and over calculating your behavior, pattern recognition, observing everything to the point of overwhelming yourself, perfectionism, masking. It’s not always obvious, but it’s clear if the content resonates with you what she’s portraying in her stories.
🌸 This book is accessibly written, casual but informative. If you’re a woman* who thinks they relate to any of this, I encourage you to try this book. You may see yourself in the pages.
*Anyone can read this and get value, but it’s common for women to go undiagnosed or unnoticed. Gender is part of this book’s advocacy as well. So, might be of special interest.
Pub Info — Coming on March 26, 2024 from @hachettebooks @hachetteus @hachettego. Currently has a 4.26 average & 30 reviews on Goodreads.
Categories — Nonfiction, Memoir/Biography, Autism & Spectrum Disorders, Autism in Women & Children, Advocacy, Psychology
The Author — Paige Layle is a “autism acceptance activist” on YouTube and TikTok. She was diagnosed with ASD at 15. @paigelayle is her handle. She makes videos on TikTok and has over 2.5 million followers.
Quick Summary — Layle, now in her 20s, writes on her experience growing up and being “diagnosed late” with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
More Info & Thoughts ⤵️
🌸 This is an informal look at ASD in young girls in a modern age. While it is an informal biographical & anecdotal account, Layle connects her experiences with psychology.
🌸 I don’t know anything about Layle outside of this book. I didn’t know about her advocacy or TikTok; I just thought the book sounded interesting. That being said, it definitely resonated with me. Passages felt like they could’ve been lifted right out of my memories — knowing you didn’t fit in, something was off with your socialization or personality and your peers knew it, but you really didn’t know why and teachers just separated you from the class and gave you extra work 😂
🌸 These stories reflect back on themes of the diagnosis — rigidity, adherence to structure, discipline, topic obsession, social missteps and over calculating your behavior, pattern recognition, observing everything to the point of overwhelming yourself, perfectionism, masking. It’s not always obvious, but it’s clear if the content resonates with you what she’s portraying in her stories.
🌸 This book is accessibly written, casual but informative. If you’re a woman* who thinks they relate to any of this, I encourage you to try this book. You may see yourself in the pages.
*Anyone can read this and get value, but it’s common for women to go undiagnosed or unnoticed. Gender is part of this book’s advocacy as well. So, might be of special interest.
January 12, 2024
I won an ARC from Goodreads. On sale: 3/26/2024
My son was diagnosed with autism the month I won this book and I knew it wasn't a coincidence. Books tend to make it to me when I need to read them and some even tend to stick with me long after. This is one of those stories.
Her story was a very hard read for me. I found I had to put it down at times and give myself some time and space away before going back to it. Depression and anxiety run in my family and so her experience was all the more real since I have loved ones who have gone through very similar situations.
It was also difficult for me to read because so much of how autism presented in her reminded me of my son. I found myself upset over how she was treated by those around her and furious with the lack of support she that she faced for so long. She made me want to be a better, more understanding parent and human being.
While Paige discusses her life leading up to her diagnosis and after, she educates her readers as well. She is very clear in her desire to help people become more knowledgeable about autism, co-occurring diagnoses, the lack of research in autistic females (the research is very male dominant which I found to be true in my own research), and much more.
This is a must read. I'm so thankful to Paige, for her courage to share her story and the time she took to write it down. I'm sure it was not always easy. I will forever be thankful that her story found its way to me.
My son was diagnosed with autism the month I won this book and I knew it wasn't a coincidence. Books tend to make it to me when I need to read them and some even tend to stick with me long after. This is one of those stories.
Her story was a very hard read for me. I found I had to put it down at times and give myself some time and space away before going back to it. Depression and anxiety run in my family and so her experience was all the more real since I have loved ones who have gone through very similar situations.
It was also difficult for me to read because so much of how autism presented in her reminded me of my son. I found myself upset over how she was treated by those around her and furious with the lack of support she that she faced for so long. She made me want to be a better, more understanding parent and human being.
While Paige discusses her life leading up to her diagnosis and after, she educates her readers as well. She is very clear in her desire to help people become more knowledgeable about autism, co-occurring diagnoses, the lack of research in autistic females (the research is very male dominant which I found to be true in my own research), and much more.
This is a must read. I'm so thankful to Paige, for her courage to share her story and the time she took to write it down. I'm sure it was not always easy. I will forever be thankful that her story found its way to me.
March 9, 2024
But Everyone Feels This Way is a memoir by a young adult TikToker who is very vocal about her experience with autism. This memoir was well done, and I think would be an extremely good read for a young adult also struggling with their experience being neurodiverse in a neurotypical world.
The subtitle of this book indicates that this book can get a bit dark, as she is very open that she struggled with suicidal thoughts before being diagnosed. Readers should be aware of this before jumping in, but Layle does a good job of not ruminating on these past thoughts, and connects how her lack-of-diagnosis impacted her mental health. She's very open with her how she perceives the world, and how she does not understand things the same way as neurotypical people. I am not autistic, so I learned a lot about her autistic experience, but as someone with ADHD I was able to connect with her experience of thinking differently than others. I really enjoyed that aspect of it.
Layle is still fairly young, and that shows. I think that this book would be better experienced by people closer in age to Layle, which was very much her intended audience.
Layle narrates her own book, and she did a great job at it. It was an easy listen, and she's very engaging.
Thank you to Hachette Audio and NetGalley for an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review.
The subtitle of this book indicates that this book can get a bit dark, as she is very open that she struggled with suicidal thoughts before being diagnosed. Readers should be aware of this before jumping in, but Layle does a good job of not ruminating on these past thoughts, and connects how her lack-of-diagnosis impacted her mental health. She's very open with her how she perceives the world, and how she does not understand things the same way as neurotypical people. I am not autistic, so I learned a lot about her autistic experience, but as someone with ADHD I was able to connect with her experience of thinking differently than others. I really enjoyed that aspect of it.
Layle is still fairly young, and that shows. I think that this book would be better experienced by people closer in age to Layle, which was very much her intended audience.
Layle narrates her own book, and she did a great job at it. It was an easy listen, and she's very engaging.
Thank you to Hachette Audio and NetGalley for an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review.
April 25, 2024
This was a very informative and enlightening memoir covering the author's life from early childhood to adulthood and her struggles with mental health and autism both before and after diagnosis. It's written in a very accessible way from a youthful perspective.
Notable moments that stuck in my memory:
- The early memory about picking a seat on a schoolbus and being very particular about it. When I was a child, I similarly had my "favourite seat" on a tram wagon and I didn't realize it could be a sign of ASD.
- The endless asking of questions and just wanting to know / understand things that were "obvious" to everyone else. I got so many people accuse me of trolling them, annoying them or asking bad faith questions. Seems it's just normal in autism to "not get it", especially when it comes to convoluted social rules.
- Author's mother being "offended" that her daughter "behaves autistic". Luckily, the mom finally got around to accept her daughter, but so many of us relate to "you aren't my perfect child as I envisioned it" parental rejection and spite.
- The "go cry somewhere else" and "you just want attention" reactions. I wish parents understood their child wanting their attention is a normal developmental trait not a sign of bad character. I swear parents just want self-raising children like ready made cupcakes.
- Parents having guests / friends over in the house where they smoked, drank and swore... How irresponsible can you be to do that in front of your children and then dismiss it as "mommy and daddy are having fun"? Awful. Go do that in a pub or a restaurant, not at home with underage children. Eww.
- Peer rejection and broken friendships because the author was judged by the allistic standards and "I don't care if you're autistic, you should still behave the way it's convenient for me" attitude.
- Treating teachers like friends and peers and not like bosses or gods. Respecting people for what they know and how they behave and not for their hierarchical position. And then teachers hating the author for it or punishing her for it... I wish "respect is earned, not given" applied to parents and teachers too.
- The psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors and therapists ranging from mostly helpless to outright dismissive. I could write a whole book how the mental health help industry is unequipped to serve neurodivergent people. Every time she repeated "I didn't go there to vent, I expected actionable advice and didn't get it" I felt I knew this all too well.
- The "you don't look autistic" dismissals. Omg. I wish we didn't have to deal with that nonsense anymore, but it's everywhere.
- The brief mentions of "treatments" for autistic people which were basically lessons "how to be more palatable to allistic people" (for example how to properly hold eye-contact). Somehow, nobody does any training how to make allistic people more palatable to autistic people. I feel this is a shared minority experience, any minority, racial, gender, sexual, ethnic, religious, disabled people, neurodivergent people, mentally ill people - the focus is always how do they change themselves to "fit in" into the society arranged by the rules of the majority, and very little effort is put into how to accommodate minorities so they can be their actual authentic fully realized selves.
It's a memoir of great resilience and trying to save yourself in a world where everyone else wants you to be not-you. It has an uplifting ending, the author started independent adult life, worked, became an influencer, and found more inner peace, balance and happiness. It's just heartbreaking to witness how hypocritical the society is, telling everyone "be yourself" but leaving the unspoken out "...as long as you are who we want you do be". You have to fight on every step for basic human rights like tolerance, freedom, independence, self-worth.
I wish she explained at the end what happened with Sam or her father, but I guess it wasn't necessary for the big picture.
Also glad she mentioned some positive relationships in her life: with her brother, a couple of teachers who understood her, with her dog. Autistic people crave real connection too, yet are often depicted as unable to be connected with by everyone else. Luckily, it's not the case here.
Thank you Hachette Go and NetGalley for the ARC!
Notable moments that stuck in my memory:
- The early memory about picking a seat on a schoolbus and being very particular about it. When I was a child, I similarly had my "favourite seat" on a tram wagon and I didn't realize it could be a sign of ASD.
- The endless asking of questions and just wanting to know / understand things that were "obvious" to everyone else. I got so many people accuse me of trolling them, annoying them or asking bad faith questions. Seems it's just normal in autism to "not get it", especially when it comes to convoluted social rules.
- Author's mother being "offended" that her daughter "behaves autistic". Luckily, the mom finally got around to accept her daughter, but so many of us relate to "you aren't my perfect child as I envisioned it" parental rejection and spite.
- The "go cry somewhere else" and "you just want attention" reactions. I wish parents understood their child wanting their attention is a normal developmental trait not a sign of bad character. I swear parents just want self-raising children like ready made cupcakes.
- Parents having guests / friends over in the house where they smoked, drank and swore... How irresponsible can you be to do that in front of your children and then dismiss it as "mommy and daddy are having fun"? Awful. Go do that in a pub or a restaurant, not at home with underage children. Eww.
- Peer rejection and broken friendships because the author was judged by the allistic standards and "I don't care if you're autistic, you should still behave the way it's convenient for me" attitude.
- Treating teachers like friends and peers and not like bosses or gods. Respecting people for what they know and how they behave and not for their hierarchical position. And then teachers hating the author for it or punishing her for it... I wish "respect is earned, not given" applied to parents and teachers too.
- The psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors and therapists ranging from mostly helpless to outright dismissive. I could write a whole book how the mental health help industry is unequipped to serve neurodivergent people. Every time she repeated "I didn't go there to vent, I expected actionable advice and didn't get it" I felt I knew this all too well.
- The "you don't look autistic" dismissals. Omg. I wish we didn't have to deal with that nonsense anymore, but it's everywhere.
- The brief mentions of "treatments" for autistic people which were basically lessons "how to be more palatable to allistic people" (for example how to properly hold eye-contact). Somehow, nobody does any training how to make allistic people more palatable to autistic people. I feel this is a shared minority experience, any minority, racial, gender, sexual, ethnic, religious, disabled people, neurodivergent people, mentally ill people - the focus is always how do they change themselves to "fit in" into the society arranged by the rules of the majority, and very little effort is put into how to accommodate minorities so they can be their actual authentic fully realized selves.
It's a memoir of great resilience and trying to save yourself in a world where everyone else wants you to be not-you. It has an uplifting ending, the author started independent adult life, worked, became an influencer, and found more inner peace, balance and happiness. It's just heartbreaking to witness how hypocritical the society is, telling everyone "be yourself" but leaving the unspoken out "...as long as you are who we want you do be". You have to fight on every step for basic human rights like tolerance, freedom, independence, self-worth.
I wish she explained at the end what happened with Sam or her father, but I guess it wasn't necessary for the big picture.
Also glad she mentioned some positive relationships in her life: with her brother, a couple of teachers who understood her, with her dog. Autistic people crave real connection too, yet are often depicted as unable to be connected with by everyone else. Luckily, it's not the case here.
Thank you Hachette Go and NetGalley for the ARC!
April 14, 2024
→ 4.5 stars (★★★★.5)
i learned a lot from Paige about autism, particularly how it presents in girls, back in 2021 before i got my diagnosis, and it's a full-circle moment to be reading this book after how far my life has come since then. it's in moments like these, as i see what i had once believed to be unique struggles and experiences of mine written about in a published book, that i'm reminded of how much representation matters. i hope that neurodivergent voices, especially from those who have intersectional identities, continue to be amplified in the years to come.
i learned a lot from Paige about autism, particularly how it presents in girls, back in 2021 before i got my diagnosis, and it's a full-circle moment to be reading this book after how far my life has come since then. it's in moments like these, as i see what i had once believed to be unique struggles and experiences of mine written about in a published book, that i'm reminded of how much representation matters. i hope that neurodivergent voices, especially from those who have intersectional identities, continue to be amplified in the years to come.
"little me
i run my fingers over her sharp edges.
"don't they hurt you?" she asks,
in her little voice.
"no, they don't," i reply.
"you gave me such strong hands
your edges aren't sharp to me.
i was made to run my fingers over the hard parts of you,
and i will hold the most painful parts of you
for as long as you need-- "
i don't know if it's my voice
or my calloused hands,
but she becomes softer.”
April 7, 2024
This was raw and concise - the dream. It's neat how much healing can come when someone shares their hardest pain with you, and finally, you can relate to another human being. ❤️ So many wise blurbs I noted for sharing, new topics saved to discuss with my autistically informed therapist (if this book made me sad for any reason it was how many shitty therapists and supports who knew absolutely nothing about autism paige had) and was also really educational on essential autism facts/knowledge for friends and family. Gold star!
March 29, 2024
First, I acknowledge that I am not the target demographic for this book, so my review may not carry as much weight.
Paige Layle is an autism advocate who found her voice on TikTok. She writes about her experience with autism and her path to a diagnosis. I admire her commitment to advocating for her disability (and she does define it as a disability) and her attempt to inform others about autism, both theoretically and practically.
However, I did not like the writing style or the format of the book. It was full of random quotes and maybe poems? There were so many lists and what the author described as "field notes," as well as the stream of consciousness of someone barely in their 20s.
Again, I admire the attempt and I do believe this book could be helpful for young people struggling with the same things the author did, but for the rest of us, this one is probably worth skipping.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review an ARC of this book.
Paige Layle is an autism advocate who found her voice on TikTok. She writes about her experience with autism and her path to a diagnosis. I admire her commitment to advocating for her disability (and she does define it as a disability) and her attempt to inform others about autism, both theoretically and practically.
However, I did not like the writing style or the format of the book. It was full of random quotes and maybe poems? There were so many lists and what the author described as "field notes," as well as the stream of consciousness of someone barely in their 20s.
Again, I admire the attempt and I do believe this book could be helpful for young people struggling with the same things the author did, but for the rest of us, this one is probably worth skipping.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review an ARC of this book.
May 25, 2024
4.5 stars. Audiobook. Really interesting listening to Paige’s story. (I hadn’t seen her online presence before this book.) It felt a little like she probably had rose-coloured glasses about the way she handled certain situations, which most people do about themselves, so fair enough! It was eye-opening to hear how positive some of her experiences (accommodations, understanding by others) seemed to be yet how unhelpful other people and systems were.
June 1, 2024
I started this book (on a plane ride!) and almost immediately felt like a child again. Thank you Paige for describing so many emotions and experiences that I had almost forgotten from childhood and adolescence. Masking exhausted me during crucial milestones in life and I couldn’t understand why I felt like I was failing. Your descriptions of anxiety and burnout have given me great perspective on how sensitive and authentic I truly have to be in this life. I related to a lot of relationship dynamics, academic hardship, and internal “perfectionism”, and definitely shed a tear or two before landing. Thank you again for sharing your experiences, and I can’t wait to read more of your work in the future.
June 15, 2024
Wow! This is totally a memoir so I’m not going to review review it but this book really gives a great look into Paige’s life and how hard it can be even once diagnosed with a disability. A wonder and enlightening read.
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