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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power - vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world - a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.
In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she's convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her... only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations.
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelseashowcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.
In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she's convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her... only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations.
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelseashowcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.
264 pages, Hardcover
First published April 22, 2008
About the author
Chelsea Handler
15books4,575followersChelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series,Chelsea Lately(airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m.). Consistently the network’s highest-rated program,Chelsea Latelyoffers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths, and rumors that just won't die, along with other hot topics of the day. Bringing refreshing new energy to and redefining perceptions of the talk show,Chelsea Latelyis an authentic and hilarious commentary on the celebrity culture around us. Both Handler and the show have also been recognized as pioneers in late night with the show boasting five female writers to account for half of its writing staff. This is unprecedented in the late night arena that has historically been dominated by male hosts and writers.
In addition to her wildly successful television series, Chelsea is equally well-known as a best-selling author. On March 28, 2010, she achieved a spectacular feat when her three books took the #1, #2, and #3 spots on theNew York TimesBest Seller list.Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang,from Grand Central Publishing, was the #1 nonfiction hardcover;Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea,from Simon Spotlight Entertainment, was the #2 nonfiction paperback; andMy Horizontal Life,from Bloomsbury, was the #3 nonfiction paperback. In hardcover,Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelseadebuted at #1 on theNew York TimesBest Seller list when published in April 2008, andMy Horizontal Lifehas been a bestseller for 80 weeks.
As a testament to her versatility and tireless work ethic, Chelsea’s 21-city comedy tour, also entitled “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” and sponsored by Belvedere Vodka, kicked off in March 2010. After tickets sold out immediately, Live Nation added 15 more shows. As one of the nation’s most acclaimed and cutting edge-comedians, Handler delivers a sharp combination of fearless honesty, ironic riffs, and self-deprecations with no shortage of material.
With her roots in both stand-up comedy and television, Chelsea was also the star of Oxygen’sGirls Behaving Badly(now syndicated in over 90 markets ) for all of its four seasons. She also starred on E! inThe Chelsea Handler Show.> In 2007 – 2008, Chelsea starred with Jenny McCarthy and Leah Remini in the hugely popular MSN online web seriesIn The Motherhood.
In March 2009, Chelsea was honored the prestigious Ally for Equality Award by the Human Rights Campaign, recognizing the outstanding efforts of those who dedicate time, energy, spirit and whole-hearted commitment to better the lives of LGBT people. She continues to be an influential and dedicated advocate for the LGBT community.
Handler, who grew up in New Jersey, currently resides in Los Angeles.
In addition to her wildly successful television series, Chelsea is equally well-known as a best-selling author. On March 28, 2010, she achieved a spectacular feat when her three books took the #1, #2, and #3 spots on theNew York TimesBest Seller list.Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang,from Grand Central Publishing, was the #1 nonfiction hardcover;Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea,from Simon Spotlight Entertainment, was the #2 nonfiction paperback; andMy Horizontal Life,from Bloomsbury, was the #3 nonfiction paperback. In hardcover,Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelseadebuted at #1 on theNew York TimesBest Seller list when published in April 2008, andMy Horizontal Lifehas been a bestseller for 80 weeks.
As a testament to her versatility and tireless work ethic, Chelsea’s 21-city comedy tour, also entitled “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” and sponsored by Belvedere Vodka, kicked off in March 2010. After tickets sold out immediately, Live Nation added 15 more shows. As one of the nation’s most acclaimed and cutting edge-comedians, Handler delivers a sharp combination of fearless honesty, ironic riffs, and self-deprecations with no shortage of material.
With her roots in both stand-up comedy and television, Chelsea was also the star of Oxygen’sGirls Behaving Badly(now syndicated in over 90 markets ) for all of its four seasons. She also starred on E! inThe Chelsea Handler Show.> In 2007 – 2008, Chelsea starred with Jenny McCarthy and Leah Remini in the hugely popular MSN online web seriesIn The Motherhood.
In March 2009, Chelsea was honored the prestigious Ally for Equality Award by the Human Rights Campaign, recognizing the outstanding efforts of those who dedicate time, energy, spirit and whole-hearted commitment to better the lives of LGBT people. She continues to be an influential and dedicated advocate for the LGBT community.
Handler, who grew up in New Jersey, currently resides in Los Angeles.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 7,145 reviews
May 22, 2011
Horrible. Chelsea Lately is a great show, and Chelsea Handler a talented comedian. But this book isbad.A colossal disappointment. The whole crass “shock value” thing wears thin really quickly. I might have laughed acoupleof times, but not enough to warrant even a second star.
September 7, 2018
Find all of my reviews at:http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID A DNF!!!!Mind you, it was an audiobook of a physical book I had already read, but hey I had to start somewhere, right? So now you might be wondering how in the eff am I managing to 1 Star something I 4 Starred in the past. Welllllll, lemme tell ya.....
Chelsea Handler has a voice that I want to punch right in the throat. I convinced myself I could get past it and the funny would outweigh the fingernails-on-a-chalkboard reaction I have had to her speaking in the past, but it was not meant to be. In fact, her delivery makes this book decidedly UNFUNNY – even when I knew the material had me literally LOLing the first time around. Lesson learned and any future Handler endeavors by me will be strictly via print.
I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID A DNF!!!!Mind you, it was an audiobook of a physical book I had already read, but hey I had to start somewhere, right? So now you might be wondering how in the eff am I managing to 1 Star something I 4 Starred in the past. Welllllll, lemme tell ya.....
Chelsea Handler has a voice that I want to punch right in the throat. I convinced myself I could get past it and the funny would outweigh the fingernails-on-a-chalkboard reaction I have had to her speaking in the past, but it was not meant to be. In fact, her delivery makes this book decidedly UNFUNNY – even when I knew the material had me literally LOLing the first time around. Lesson learned and any future Handler endeavors by me will be strictly via print.
March 14, 2009
Cutting edge, funny sexy stories. Having seen Chelsea doing stand up and on Girls Behaving Badly, I was anxious to see how her wicked sarcastic wit would translate into text. It's fantastic! A seriously gifted writer, who combines funny and raunchy better than any woman.
I mean wild, hilarious and uninhibited story telling. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous situations she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-deprecating cynical manner. It’s filled with funny anecdotes. She just has that trashy comedienne's gift of saying everything we think about but are afraid to say. And she manages to share absolutely horrifying situations and somehow make them hysterical!
There are some hilarious and uncomfortable family situations. Her father was quite the provider of wisdom, selling used junkyard cars out of their front yard, while making inappropriate sexual innuendos towards his daughters.
She shares some really funny embarrassing youth debacles and misadventures, and of course her bizarre sexual encounters with some serious screw ups. My favorite of Chelsea's embarrassing re-collections: her preposterous fake celebrity elementary school tale, a LOL birthday party for a friendless girl full of re-gifting, pretending to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class. The Mini-Me and Prison Break chapters are just classics. Frankly if she wasn't successful, she may have ended up a basket case.
If you are sensitive or quick to take offense, I would pass on this one. If you have a repressed wild side, you'll dive in headfirst and relish her antics and live vicariously through them. Also, if you like reading funny out of control drinking and sex stories, I'm half-way through Chelsea's other book...
My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Standsand it's great.
I also recommend reading the guy’s version of this book. Wild steamy Penthouse stories, VIP partying, and it's even funnier than Chelsea's stuff.
High Heels and Dirty Deals - Globetrotting Tales of Debauchery from a Binge-drinking Nymphomaniac
I mean wild, hilarious and uninhibited story telling. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous situations she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-deprecating cynical manner. It’s filled with funny anecdotes. She just has that trashy comedienne's gift of saying everything we think about but are afraid to say. And she manages to share absolutely horrifying situations and somehow make them hysterical!
There are some hilarious and uncomfortable family situations. Her father was quite the provider of wisdom, selling used junkyard cars out of their front yard, while making inappropriate sexual innuendos towards his daughters.
She shares some really funny embarrassing youth debacles and misadventures, and of course her bizarre sexual encounters with some serious screw ups. My favorite of Chelsea's embarrassing re-collections: her preposterous fake celebrity elementary school tale, a LOL birthday party for a friendless girl full of re-gifting, pretending to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class. The Mini-Me and Prison Break chapters are just classics. Frankly if she wasn't successful, she may have ended up a basket case.
If you are sensitive or quick to take offense, I would pass on this one. If you have a repressed wild side, you'll dive in headfirst and relish her antics and live vicariously through them. Also, if you like reading funny out of control drinking and sex stories, I'm half-way through Chelsea's other book...
My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Standsand it's great.
I also recommend reading the guy’s version of this book. Wild steamy Penthouse stories, VIP partying, and it's even funnier than Chelsea's stuff.
High Heels and Dirty Deals - Globetrotting Tales of Debauchery from a Binge-drinking Nymphomaniac
July 25, 2022
I watch a lot of American (or American based) hosts of late night shows on You Tube. I'm not a big fan of Jimmy Kimmel, but the title ofthisbook made me think I would enjoy Chelsea as a guest host.
Which I did.
Her take no prisoners style of delivery on the show made me a fan, & wish Chelsea would get her own talk show again.
I don't know if Chelsea's style works for me so well in print, although I certainly laughed out loud quite a few times.
As a tip, I think would have been a happier person if I hadn't read Chapter 8. I'm still trying to find a way to bleach it from my brain.
You have been warned.
https://wordpress.com/view/carolshess...
Which I did.
Her take no prisoners style of delivery on the show made me a fan, & wish Chelsea would get her own talk show again.
I don't know if Chelsea's style works for me so well in print, although I certainly laughed out loud quite a few times.
How they grow grapes in a part of town that is mostly populated by gangs and high-rises is beyond me, but when alcohol is involved, I rarely ask questions.
As a tip, I think would have been a happier person if I hadn't read Chapter 8. I'm still trying to find a way to bleach it from my brain.
You have been warned.
https://wordpress.com/view/carolshess...
May 7, 2008
Ah Chelsea, Hilarious. Read this on the plane ride back from atlanta. She never disappoints and I'm certain i annoyed rows 18 and 20 of Airtran Flight 176, and possibly rows 17 and 21 at certain points in the book with my laughter. Would recommend it to anyone:)
October 8, 2009
This sort of book and the positive outpouring for it make me really feel like I must have missed the boat somewhere in the last couple decades of culture or something. Maybe it is that I have never seen Handler's stand-up and came to this book expecting something a little bit different. Perhaps Handler's shtick is that she is merely making a tongue-in-cheek imitation of the cliche "mean girl" that we all know from our high school days. But without being let in on the charade, I found connecting with Handler throughout the book to be basically impossible. The humor mostly seems to consist of criticizing everyone in her family, her circle of friends, and anyone else she meets in her life - most typically in a way that falls a tad short of catty, landing mostly in the realm of bitchy.
Admittedly, Handler does trot out a few story moments that provoked grins and the occasional laugh. However, the pacing and 'convenience' of most stories stretched my credulity well beyond my suspended disbelief - typically just making me feel bad for her parents/exes/waiter/friends or whomever that she happened to be interacting with at the moment in the story. Its clear that her escapades are wildly fabricated in places where the truth might have been more banal or required even a fleeting moment of self-reflection. Furthermore, despite all of the tweaking, many of the stories were pretty boring, just tossing in blunt comments and sailor-speak doesn't turn a dull day out into comedic gold.
I had heard this book likened to some of Sedaris' essays, but find that the comparison to be wildly off-target. Sedaris brings a sort of quiet thoughtfulness to his humor, and is most frequently the target of his own jokes. Handler, instead, brings a sort of crass entitlement to her judgments, too good for even those she is telling her story to.
Admittedly, Handler does trot out a few story moments that provoked grins and the occasional laugh. However, the pacing and 'convenience' of most stories stretched my credulity well beyond my suspended disbelief - typically just making me feel bad for her parents/exes/waiter/friends or whomever that she happened to be interacting with at the moment in the story. Its clear that her escapades are wildly fabricated in places where the truth might have been more banal or required even a fleeting moment of self-reflection. Furthermore, despite all of the tweaking, many of the stories were pretty boring, just tossing in blunt comments and sailor-speak doesn't turn a dull day out into comedic gold.
I had heard this book likened to some of Sedaris' essays, but find that the comparison to be wildly off-target. Sedaris brings a sort of quiet thoughtfulness to his humor, and is most frequently the target of his own jokes. Handler, instead, brings a sort of crass entitlement to her judgments, too good for even those she is telling her story to.
February 2, 2023
This is the first book I've read by Chelsea. I know who she is, but I've never see any of her shows, her routines or even realized she was on Girls Behaving Badly. I've seen clips of her here and there and thought that she was pretty funny and that Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea looked like an entertaining book. And yup I was right….it was definitely entertaining!
Where to start with this book?! It was so wrong on so many levels but oh so funny! I mean like soda coming out of my nose funny and at times even close to peeing my pants funny.
She starts out talking a bit about her younger years but swiftly moves on into her 20's and goes through different escapades in her life all the way up to 30.
One of my favorites and probably the longest story in the book is her day or so in jail which started out as a DUI and turned into a fraud charge because her OWN sister turned her in for using her ID! Her own sister! I think I would want to kick my sisters ass if I were her. Anyways that story in its own was really funny especially her new found friendship with Lucille who was in jail for killing her sister. Chelsea's sister should really thank her lucky stars she wasn't born into that family.
My next favorite story is with her boyfriend at the time "Mohammed" who accompanies Chelsea while she's dog sitting for a friend pretty much against her will, but she doesn't have the backbone to tell her friend no. Something happens with Mohammed and one of the dogs that was disturbingly funny. Actually this was probably more interesting than real a favorite. One that my ears could not unhear but I was still glad she put it in the book.
Chelsea's stories are definitely not politically correct and even a little raunchy at times, but I think it makes it that much funnier. And I'm sorry but what really good comic does not offend someone in their way of trying to get a laugh. I actually commend comics because they take big risks in the fact that they are possibly really going to piss some people off or not have the audience receive their jokes very well and laugh at all.
I have one negative thing to say about Chelsea and I guess it's more of an observation than anything, and I'm not even sure if it's relative any longer because this book is about 10 years old. This woman drinks like a fish! I was seriously shocked by the amount of alcohol she can consume, I guess thus the title! But everyone has their faults and whatever makes you happy!
After reading Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea I really think I need to see some of her stand up routines and check out her show. And I definitely will be picking up more of her books, because during some trying times I've had lately this woman had me laughing my guts out. And as the saying goes "laughter is the best medicine".
Where to start with this book?! It was so wrong on so many levels but oh so funny! I mean like soda coming out of my nose funny and at times even close to peeing my pants funny.
She starts out talking a bit about her younger years but swiftly moves on into her 20's and goes through different escapades in her life all the way up to 30.
One of my favorites and probably the longest story in the book is her day or so in jail which started out as a DUI and turned into a fraud charge because her OWN sister turned her in for using her ID! Her own sister! I think I would want to kick my sisters ass if I were her. Anyways that story in its own was really funny especially her new found friendship with Lucille who was in jail for killing her sister. Chelsea's sister should really thank her lucky stars she wasn't born into that family.
My next favorite story is with her boyfriend at the time "Mohammed" who accompanies Chelsea while she's dog sitting for a friend pretty much against her will, but she doesn't have the backbone to tell her friend no. Something happens with Mohammed and one of the dogs that was disturbingly funny. Actually this was probably more interesting than real a favorite. One that my ears could not unhear but I was still glad she put it in the book.
Chelsea's stories are definitely not politically correct and even a little raunchy at times, but I think it makes it that much funnier. And I'm sorry but what really good comic does not offend someone in their way of trying to get a laugh. I actually commend comics because they take big risks in the fact that they are possibly really going to piss some people off or not have the audience receive their jokes very well and laugh at all.
I have one negative thing to say about Chelsea and I guess it's more of an observation than anything, and I'm not even sure if it's relative any longer because this book is about 10 years old. This woman drinks like a fish! I was seriously shocked by the amount of alcohol she can consume, I guess thus the title! But everyone has their faults and whatever makes you happy!
After reading Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea I really think I need to see some of her stand up routines and check out her show. And I definitely will be picking up more of her books, because during some trying times I've had lately this woman had me laughing my guts out. And as the saying goes "laughter is the best medicine".
April 23, 2023
I've been enjoying celebrity, and specifically comedian, biographies lately so I picked up Chelsea Handler's book - Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.
Sadly, this book just didn't work for me. I love Chelsea Handler and enjoy her comedy. She's one of my go too, but her book just didn't align with my reading style. I prefer biographies that have a through line or a story. This book was a collection of random stories that's connection was just Chelsea. The writing is fun and the stories are great, but it didn't keep me engaged. Which is totally alright! It's a different style of biography than what I typically enjoy.
I don't have anything bad to say about the book. It's funny and a great read, but just not a hit for me. So while my rating may be low, that's solely because it didn't align well for me.
One out of five stars.
Sadly, this book just didn't work for me. I love Chelsea Handler and enjoy her comedy. She's one of my go too, but her book just didn't align with my reading style. I prefer biographies that have a through line or a story. This book was a collection of random stories that's connection was just Chelsea. The writing is fun and the stories are great, but it didn't keep me engaged. Which is totally alright! It's a different style of biography than what I typically enjoy.
I don't have anything bad to say about the book. It's funny and a great read, but just not a hit for me. So while my rating may be low, that's solely because it didn't align well for me.
One out of five stars.
May 19, 2008
Admittedly, I don't usually read books like this, but foundAre You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelseato be an overall entertaining collection. The first four essays were, far and away, the 'best' in the collection. Until reading this book, I had no familiarity with Handler.
Totally underwhelming and inconsistently hilarious. Admittedly, the parts that were funny really were fantastic. However, Chelsea Handler glosses over and re-arranges life events in order to align themjust so- and thusly make whatever anecdote she's recounting work like one of her performance jokes.
Everything works just a littletoowell for these to be legitimate essays. Rather, the book reads like an ongoing stand-up routine with more detail added.
Overall, it's a good effort: Handler isn't the best writer (and is occasionally downright dismal), but her stories are generally amusing.
Totally underwhelming and inconsistently hilarious. Admittedly, the parts that were funny really were fantastic. However, Chelsea Handler glosses over and re-arranges life events in order to align themjust so- and thusly make whatever anecdote she's recounting work like one of her performance jokes.
Everything works just a littletoowell for these to be legitimate essays. Rather, the book reads like an ongoing stand-up routine with more detail added.
Overall, it's a good effort: Handler isn't the best writer (and is occasionally downright dismal), but her stories are generally amusing.
December 12, 2010
Buhwahahaha! This woman is easily the funniest woman in the entertainment industry. Yes, she's rude and crude, and definitely not for the prude. But I just can't help it. I love her. She brings out the evil maniacal laugh in me, if case you didn't already notice.
Since her other book is entitled "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands", you can be fairly certain this book will also include sexual content as well as a lot of adult language. So if those make you uncomfortable, don't read this. At least not while others of a prudish nature are around.
She does have a deeply dark sense of humor. It seems to be all in good fun, though not necessarily good taste. I like to believe she's a softie at heart, just with a hard exterior. Nevertheless, she's entertaining to say the least.
I really recommend listening to the audio book. A sheet of paper just cannot capture the brilliance of her wit and sarcasm. Her voice can be slightly overwhelming at times, but if your feeling down, her stories will bring you, if nothing else, hilarity.
What are you going to do tonight, Chelsea Handler? Same thing she does every night - Try to take over the world. The entertainment world at least. *Evil laugh* For those of you lucky enough to afford cable television (I resort to the Internet, it's cheaper), her show is just as disturbing and just as funny.
Since her other book is entitled "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands", you can be fairly certain this book will also include sexual content as well as a lot of adult language. So if those make you uncomfortable, don't read this. At least not while others of a prudish nature are around.
She does have a deeply dark sense of humor. It seems to be all in good fun, though not necessarily good taste. I like to believe she's a softie at heart, just with a hard exterior. Nevertheless, she's entertaining to say the least.
I really recommend listening to the audio book. A sheet of paper just cannot capture the brilliance of her wit and sarcasm. Her voice can be slightly overwhelming at times, but if your feeling down, her stories will bring you, if nothing else, hilarity.
What are you going to do tonight, Chelsea Handler? Same thing she does every night - Try to take over the world. The entertainment world at least. *Evil laugh* For those of you lucky enough to afford cable television (I resort to the Internet, it's cheaper), her show is just as disturbing and just as funny.
September 8, 2018
3 stars for me. I listened to this on audio and like my GR friend Kelly stated, Chelsea's voice can be a bit much. Also, did all of these things truly happen? Some of them seem a bit over the top and maybe a bit embellished to make a better story?!? I think calling her dad "bitch tits" is bad. It just sounds stupid to me.
There were quite a few times when I laughed out loud though. I am certainly not opposed to reading more of her stories. I used to watch her show on tv and I wonder if any of her girlfriends in the book were some of the comics on the show. It never stated if any names were changed. I also want to look up on You Tube the Girls Behaving Badly show and see if I can watch the scenes with Kimmy:))
There were quite a few times when I laughed out loud though. I am certainly not opposed to reading more of her stories. I used to watch her show on tv and I wonder if any of her girlfriends in the book were some of the comics on the show. It never stated if any names were changed. I also want to look up on You Tube the Girls Behaving Badly show and see if I can watch the scenes with Kimmy:))
February 18, 2013
Chelsea Handler's uninhibited storytelling and vulgar sense of humor make for a fun read. She has a gift for storytelling that will keep you laughing through each unbelievable and sometimes embarrassing real-life journey. This book is full of good, inappropriate fun. If you offend easily, you probably should not read it. Otherwise, have a good laugh!
July 24, 2022
Crude and lewd but hilarious. Chelsea Handler is like Dennis Miller. Very funny...not for the faint of heart.
January 5, 2009
Are you there Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea
Everything about this book is clever, starting with the title. To any Judy Blume fan, the parody is obvious, but even the less-informed reader (to whom I will now impart the title of Blume’s novel,Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret) would find this title an apt one.Are you there Vodka?chronicles Chelsea Handler’s sexual antics across all realms, from weddings, to summer flings, to family vacations, and while the men (and midgets…) vary widely, one factor remains constant: her drink of choice, vodka.
Everything about this book is clever, starting with the title. To any Judy Blume fan, the parody is obvious, but even the less-informed reader (to whom I will now impart the title of Blume’s novel,Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret) would find this title an apt one.Are you there Vodka?chronicles Chelsea Handler’s sexual antics across all realms, from weddings, to summer flings, to family vacations, and while the men (and midgets…) vary widely, one factor remains constant: her drink of choice, vodka.
Handler’s writing is self-mocking, but in a comically arrogant sort of way. Her manner reminds me of the way men boast to one another in such hyperbolic terms that each man knows the other cannot be serious and probably, in fact, believe the exact opposite about themselves, compared to what they are saying. Still, their claims become increasingly more broad and bombastic, as if needing to declare, “yes I did!” and “yes I am!”
Dry humor is thesaving graceof this sort of comedic writing, because without it, Handler’s tales would come off as absurd and callous. Readers would feel inclined to chastise her reprehensible behavior, because superficially, it truly is the way mothers most fear their daughters will act in their teens and twenties and even early thirties. Instead, Handler is witty and self-mocking enough to make you spend most of the book wondering how much of each story is true and how much she is over exaggerating for effect. This guessing game turns into the compounding “oh my god, no she didn’t!” reaction you experience when your girlfriend tells you about “what a wild weekend she had.” Except according to this book, Handler doesn’t have wild weekends; she has a wildlife.
Blume fans, don’t try this book unless you transitioned to at least the level of the Sweet Valley Twins series in later adolescence. Otherwise, you may suffer from painful finger-wagging and irrepressible groaning.
Bridget Jones’s Diaryfans, read on. And try Handler’sMy Horizontal Life,too.
Those in between…read at your own risk. If you believe you may harbor puritan strains deep in your heart, I will warn you that you may not find Handler’s humor funny. But if you have a repressed wild side, following Handler’s antics is one of the best ways to live vicariously.
February 2, 2009
What was I thinking when I put this book on my list of audios that I wanted my audioflix service to send me? Oh well, give it a try, I thought, as I slid the first disk into the proper slot in the minivan. Well, I'm glad that I still have my lightening reflexes and battle tested driving skills because I was careening down the interstate laughing out loud at this book while going 80 miles per hour (and you thought that driving while talking on the telephone was dangerous). Chelsea Handler picks stories from her family, relationships, childhood, and career for this group of hysterical essays. The best part was that she read this book so I didn't even have to imagine hearing the stories in her voice. Now a word of caution: if you have never seen her television show, Chelsea Handler Lately, on the Comedy Channel, please watch it a time a or two before reading or listening to this book. On a scale of 1 to 10, she can hit a 12 on language and references to sex, drinking, and recreational drugs. But, apparently, this didn't faze a woman of my quality. Now I'm trying to decide if I want to risk reading My Horizontal Life--a series of essays about her one-night stands in her youth. Doesn't she know that we are still trying to pretend to our parents that our one-night stands never happened? But, if you like ribald humor, and I do, I recommend this book to you. Except Hope, please don't read this. I have WAY too much respect for you to subject you to this book. It's bad enough that you have to put up with me on a daily basis. Oh, and Leslie, don't read this. I can just see you getting that look on your face that I so enjoy when I speak or act inappropriately.
April 24, 2008
This woman deserves the nobel prize. It's just not fair that we all don't have the talent and intelligence to make everyone laugh this hard for 2 hours straight. The world would be a better place. I couldn't put it down. My favorite story was her midget fetish- oh wait sorry, "healthy obsession". Dude that's just so far over the line that she erased the line.
January 10, 2008
This book was just as much fun as Handler's first but possibly darker. Not that she got meaner or grosser but in this book I was often wondering, since for the most part, Handler does seem to actually wish to not overtly hurt anyone's feelings, how obvious it was to the people discussed that they were subjects. Some of them seemed to deserve it but nonetheless, this newer book seemed meaner. Handler has fantastic stories- I don't care if she has made them all up. I think her books are being marketed incorrectly- they look so trashy, especially this second one when in fact they don't read trashy. Not that Handler does not tell stories that reveal a wildness but they are good enough to not be marketed as trash. They stand well on their own. Without her picture on the cover...
October 27, 2011
Before I say anything regarding my rating of this book, it needs to be said how much I love Chelsea Handler. I love Chelsea Lately, and I love her standup routines. She is a spunky, hilarious individual, and I have always admired her for that. I was really excited to read this book, because so many of my friends have enjoyed it and because I am a Chelsea enthusiast. Unfortunately, this book didn't do anything for me. Sure, the anecdotes were funny at times, but I think I would have received them much better if they were presented strictly as stand up instead of in novel form. I was disappointed in the way she portrayed herself, mostly as an uncultured, ignorant, and dare I say "bitch," when interacting with her peers, family, lovers, and acquaintances. I hope that she does not assume these qualities in reality and that she "fluffed up" her stories with these details in order to get a laugh out of the reader (which rarely happened for myself). I also found myself personally editing the book as I went through and read it. As a self-proclaimed grammar stickler, I tend to do this with most of everything that I read, but Ms. Handler's book made me tempted to mark the pages in red ink and hand it back to her, asking for a re-write. Did she seek out an editor? If so, he or she was a complete waste of money. I am still a huge fan of Chelsea Handler as a comedian, but I am not sure if I will ever read any of her other novels in the future.
January 29, 2020
I have never watched Chelsea Handler's show, but she had me laughing several times throughout the book. Several times throughout the book, I found myself cringing with secondhand embarrassment and outwardly laughing at her comedic timing. From the beginning of the book, Handler establishes herself as a compulsive liar, so I assume that several of her stories are not *entirely* true. She's brazen, hilarious, and probably a tad crazy, and her ability to weave stories out of every day life made for a great read. Like most comedians, sometimes others were the butt of the joke, which I did not always love reading. The majority of her jokes landed, leaving this reader ready to read more from her.
August 31, 2008
Okay, I sent this back to the library...half way through. It started to collect dust and when it was reading time, I just didn't want to pick it up. The library was begging for it back and I figured after 7 weeks, I wasn't going to finish it. I got this book because Chelsea's show is funny and sometimes outrageous. I wanted to know more about her, but it is so couched in comedy(what did I expect, right?) that it's mildly disappointing. I liked the book (at least the half I read), it's funny, however, I am wondering where comedy ends and truth begins.
February 3, 2009
I’d read quite a few 5-star reviews of this book and when, after the first chapter, it didn’t immediately grab me, I decided I would be contrary and choose to hate it. Luckily, I found a lot more to like beyond the first chapter, so I can put aside my contrarian impulses and say I found it an enjoyable read.
Vodkatakes the form of a series of anecdotes from Handler’s life, encompassing friendships, relationships and, notably, alcohol. The first chapter, in which a 9-year-old Chelsea tells her entire school that she’s negotiating a movie role in play Goldie Hawn’s daughter on screen, sets the bar for Handler’s dedication to lies that are more interesting than the truth. As a result, the reader can’t quite begrudge the boldly-embroidered quality of Handler’s stories. This isn’t a truthful memoir: it’s just a book that’s supposed to make you laugh.
And it is undeniably funny – in places. Personally, I found it less laugh-out-loud funny and more occasional-chuckle amusing. In fact, many of Handler’s jokes fall woefully flat. More than once, I found myself staring at the page, thinkingoh, that was a joke,rather than actually laughing. Never a good thing. (Handler is not the first stand-up comic whose jokes don’t translate well between a dark bar and the cold, hard light of publishing.) Clearly intended to be provocative, the jokes also skate along the line between inappropriately-funny and kind-of-offensive. I couldn’t always tell the degree to which Handler was being knowingly-outrageous and the degree to which she was revealing her prejudices and going for the easy, (often race-related) slur.
I loved the chapter in which Chelsea, at the age of 12, starts a babysitting service for kids older than she is. Another chapter, involving a hideous birthday party where almost every present has been re-gifted, is also brilliant. However, there are plenty of other chapters that are less-than-stellar. At one point in the book, Handler rails against an acquaintance who tells overly-long stories that have no real point. Ironically, one can easily imagine this whole book being narrated by a slightly drunk woman at a party who loves to talk about herself, even though she’s not quite as fascinating as she thinks she is.
Vodkais, in some ways, an incredibly lazy book. It has no theme to tie it together and, as a result, some of the chapters are frustratingly diffuse. And finally, let’s just say it: everyonethinkstheir family is ker-azy and hilarious – but, the fact is, our shared genes and experiences colour our judgment somewhat. By the final chapter, I was more than a little tired of Handler’s “oddball” (read: pretty unremarkable) father, who appears far too often in the book.
While I enjoyedVodkaas I was reading it, I suspect it will find it rather forgettable. It’s funny – but not quite funny enough. It’s zeitgeisty – but doesn’t quite find anything new to say. Pick it up for a quick, brain-free read, but don’t expect too much substance.
Vodkatakes the form of a series of anecdotes from Handler’s life, encompassing friendships, relationships and, notably, alcohol. The first chapter, in which a 9-year-old Chelsea tells her entire school that she’s negotiating a movie role in play Goldie Hawn’s daughter on screen, sets the bar for Handler’s dedication to lies that are more interesting than the truth. As a result, the reader can’t quite begrudge the boldly-embroidered quality of Handler’s stories. This isn’t a truthful memoir: it’s just a book that’s supposed to make you laugh.
And it is undeniably funny – in places. Personally, I found it less laugh-out-loud funny and more occasional-chuckle amusing. In fact, many of Handler’s jokes fall woefully flat. More than once, I found myself staring at the page, thinkingoh, that was a joke,rather than actually laughing. Never a good thing. (Handler is not the first stand-up comic whose jokes don’t translate well between a dark bar and the cold, hard light of publishing.) Clearly intended to be provocative, the jokes also skate along the line between inappropriately-funny and kind-of-offensive. I couldn’t always tell the degree to which Handler was being knowingly-outrageous and the degree to which she was revealing her prejudices and going for the easy, (often race-related) slur.
I loved the chapter in which Chelsea, at the age of 12, starts a babysitting service for kids older than she is. Another chapter, involving a hideous birthday party where almost every present has been re-gifted, is also brilliant. However, there are plenty of other chapters that are less-than-stellar. At one point in the book, Handler rails against an acquaintance who tells overly-long stories that have no real point. Ironically, one can easily imagine this whole book being narrated by a slightly drunk woman at a party who loves to talk about herself, even though she’s not quite as fascinating as she thinks she is.
Vodkais, in some ways, an incredibly lazy book. It has no theme to tie it together and, as a result, some of the chapters are frustratingly diffuse. And finally, let’s just say it: everyonethinkstheir family is ker-azy and hilarious – but, the fact is, our shared genes and experiences colour our judgment somewhat. By the final chapter, I was more than a little tired of Handler’s “oddball” (read: pretty unremarkable) father, who appears far too often in the book.
While I enjoyedVodkaas I was reading it, I suspect it will find it rather forgettable. It’s funny – but not quite funny enough. It’s zeitgeisty – but doesn’t quite find anything new to say. Pick it up for a quick, brain-free read, but don’t expect too much substance.
May 4, 2023
*I appreciate knowing how you enjoy my reviews with a comment, not an empty ‘like button’ click.
I enjoy acquainting people I do not know. Learning their story normally stirs my sympathy.Chelsea Handler’sflat way of insulting people is not for me, even though I value candour. She comes off as lacking passion for anything except dwarves and drinking. Someone who does not espouse favourite songs, movies, or tastes is hard to relate to. She is not enamoured of animals, despite growing up with a dog.
Deeming cats uninteresting does not win my vote but I’ll tell you, I was right with her, when she wanted to lockup a pair of dogs she was babysitting! Who can stand untrained canines?! When a boyfriend dumpedChelseaand she told his new girlfriend that he let a dog lick his crotch, I chortled at such priceless revenge!
This is the compelling side to acquainting someone who is unlike you.Chelseapatiently let an Englishwoman vent about sitting with Americans. When rudeness persisted, she let fly a comeback about untrimmed English genitalia that I could not have conjured! It can be useful, a friend told me of her Mother, for blunt allies to make short work of snobs!
I admiredChelsea’scalm. When a shady masseur misunderstood her, she left; instead of feeling upset about a groping. I preferred the first and last chapters, about theHandlerfamily. I sympathized with her patience for her colourfully vocal Dad!
“Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea”,2008, opened with her astonishing drive to earn money as a kid. I give three stars because there was no story of how her Mom died, nor how her comedy started. I understand this is a memoir, not an autobiography. However, after enthralling us with her tale of a babysitting corporation, readers abruptly learnedMrs. Handlerwas gone and thatChelseawas a star.
I enjoy acquainting people I do not know. Learning their story normally stirs my sympathy.Chelsea Handler’sflat way of insulting people is not for me, even though I value candour. She comes off as lacking passion for anything except dwarves and drinking. Someone who does not espouse favourite songs, movies, or tastes is hard to relate to. She is not enamoured of animals, despite growing up with a dog.
Deeming cats uninteresting does not win my vote but I’ll tell you, I was right with her, when she wanted to lockup a pair of dogs she was babysitting! Who can stand untrained canines?! When a boyfriend dumpedChelseaand she told his new girlfriend that he let a dog lick his crotch, I chortled at such priceless revenge!
This is the compelling side to acquainting someone who is unlike you.Chelseapatiently let an Englishwoman vent about sitting with Americans. When rudeness persisted, she let fly a comeback about untrimmed English genitalia that I could not have conjured! It can be useful, a friend told me of her Mother, for blunt allies to make short work of snobs!
I admiredChelsea’scalm. When a shady masseur misunderstood her, she left; instead of feeling upset about a groping. I preferred the first and last chapters, about theHandlerfamily. I sympathized with her patience for her colourfully vocal Dad!
“Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea”,2008, opened with her astonishing drive to earn money as a kid. I give three stars because there was no story of how her Mom died, nor how her comedy started. I understand this is a memoir, not an autobiography. However, after enthralling us with her tale of a babysitting corporation, readers abruptly learnedMrs. Handlerwas gone and thatChelseawas a star.
May 26, 2009
Yes please.
I started this because I need something to laugh at. I was sitting at my desk this morning just laughing out loud and generally annoying my co-workers. They're just jealous that I can listen to my ipod in the morning while they have to count money.
So far my favorite line of hers is something like, "Today I got my first DWI. I've only had one, but I don't want to rule anything out." Not that DWIs are funny. Well, in this case, they are.
I'm a bad person.
*********
This book is frigging amazing. I needed to laugh SO BADLY and this was just the right medicine. Don't even bother buying it in book form. Pick up the audio. Her delivery is unaffected--absolutely perfect.
Oh my god the stories she tells. She is vicious in a way I can only hope to be some day.
I bow down to Chelsea Handler.
**********
May 25, 2009--listened to this again on the plane after reading 'My Horizontal Life.' Second time around, she's still got it! I love the story about her massage in with 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and 'Tons of Fun.' God, so funny.
I started this because I need something to laugh at. I was sitting at my desk this morning just laughing out loud and generally annoying my co-workers. They're just jealous that I can listen to my ipod in the morning while they have to count money.
So far my favorite line of hers is something like, "Today I got my first DWI. I've only had one, but I don't want to rule anything out." Not that DWIs are funny. Well, in this case, they are.
I'm a bad person.
*********
This book is frigging amazing. I needed to laugh SO BADLY and this was just the right medicine. Don't even bother buying it in book form. Pick up the audio. Her delivery is unaffected--absolutely perfect.
Oh my god the stories she tells. She is vicious in a way I can only hope to be some day.
I bow down to Chelsea Handler.
**********
May 25, 2009--listened to this again on the plane after reading 'My Horizontal Life.' Second time around, she's still got it! I love the story about her massage in with 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and 'Tons of Fun.' God, so funny.
March 22, 2015
Chelsea Handler is... raucous. That's the best term I have for her. She's just too much. Her stories can be hilarious, but they seem ridiculous, over the top, try-hard. It's like she was like "What's funny? I know, vaginas! Well I'll dye mine purple, and then make it burp the national anthem... in pig latin! That's SUPER-funny!"
Sure... I guess. I laughed, but I think things are funnier when they are less LOOK-AT-ME, more of a dry, sarcastic wit. There was that too, but... *shrug*
Some of her stories just seem ridiculous, especially the ones about her as a kid, and the ones with her family. And sometimes it just seemed... mean-spirited at times too. All meant in jest, I'm sure.
Anyway, there were some laugh out loud moments for me, so this gets a 3.
Sure... I guess. I laughed, but I think things are funnier when they are less LOOK-AT-ME, more of a dry, sarcastic wit. There was that too, but... *shrug*
Some of her stories just seem ridiculous, especially the ones about her as a kid, and the ones with her family. And sometimes it just seemed... mean-spirited at times too. All meant in jest, I'm sure.
Anyway, there were some laugh out loud moments for me, so this gets a 3.
July 10, 2008
I enjoyed Chelsea Handler's first book, My Horizontal Life. It was self-deprecatingly funny, and I imagined that a lot of the things that happened in the book actually happened to Ms. Handler.
Her new book is over-the-top and unflattering to her family. She could learn something from David Sedaris and other humorist writers about how to write about one's family and life with some wit and subtlety.
And jokes about race and abortion are just not my cup of tea.
What a disappointment.
Her new book is over-the-top and unflattering to her family. She could learn something from David Sedaris and other humorist writers about how to write about one's family and life with some wit and subtlety.
And jokes about race and abortion are just not my cup of tea.
What a disappointment.
February 20, 2015
This is the funniest book I have listened to in a really long time. To say Handler has a funny bone is putting it mildly. I was cracking up so hard and loud people glared at me. Seriously, glared.
Handler has taken bits of her life or someone's life and made an amazing story out of it. I only wish I had her other books now. Alas, I'm on that eternal hold list at the library. If you need a good laugh I would definitely recommend Handler!
Handler has taken bits of her life or someone's life and made an amazing story out of it. I only wish I had her other books now. Alas, I'm on that eternal hold list at the library. If you need a good laugh I would definitely recommend Handler!
February 26, 2019
I've always been a fan of Chelsea Handler's dry humor, but this was just "eh" to me. There were some funny moments where I laughed out loud, but most of it kinda fell flat for me. She also has a lot of "messed up" jokes, like about rape and little people that I was uncomfortable with. I listened to this on audio, which I recommend since it's read by Chelsea and a lot of the jokes are all about the delivery. You can skip it though.
August 22, 2020
My mother is European and likes to remind us of that every time any of us ask her when she took her last shower.
May 8, 2022
Funny.
October 13, 2008
I picked up this copy of Chelsea Handler’s humor memoir because I thought the title was hilarious. The rest of the book did not disappoint.
Handler is an LA-based stand-up comic who has written a collection of personal essays about random events from her life. In the first piece—in which she convinces her entire grade school that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the non-existent Private Benjamin 2—she comes across as so over the top I felt like I was reading more of a written stand-up routine than a series of factual events. But her stories are entertaining enough that I was more than happy to overlook whatever embellishments she may have added along the way.
As one might expect from a stand-up comic, there is plenty of foul language, heavy drinking and frank sex talk in Handler's work, so it's not for the easily offended. There were also a few stories that skirted the line for me of what is actually funny—her self-depreciating stories about things like doing hard time for stealing her sister's ID and being conned by her own mini-me were both fascinating and funny, but there were a few pieces in which the pain that is often lurking underneath the ridiculous overshadowed Handler's ability to make fun of it. Still, there were enough laugh-out-loud moments in this collection that I’m glad I picked it up.
Handler is an LA-based stand-up comic who has written a collection of personal essays about random events from her life. In the first piece—in which she convinces her entire grade school that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the non-existent Private Benjamin 2—she comes across as so over the top I felt like I was reading more of a written stand-up routine than a series of factual events. But her stories are entertaining enough that I was more than happy to overlook whatever embellishments she may have added along the way.
As one might expect from a stand-up comic, there is plenty of foul language, heavy drinking and frank sex talk in Handler's work, so it's not for the easily offended. There were also a few stories that skirted the line for me of what is actually funny—her self-depreciating stories about things like doing hard time for stealing her sister's ID and being conned by her own mini-me were both fascinating and funny, but there were a few pieces in which the pain that is often lurking underneath the ridiculous overshadowed Handler's ability to make fun of it. Still, there were enough laugh-out-loud moments in this collection that I’m glad I picked it up.
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