Calvin Quotes

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
― Bill Watterson

“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?”
― Bill Watterson

“Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!”
― Bill Watterson

“A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.”
― Bill Watterson, There's Treasure Everywhere

“Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]
Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!”
― Bill Watterson

“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”
― Bill Watterson

“I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!”
― Bill Watterson, Something Under the Bed is Drooling

“I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”
― Bill Watterson

“I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“True wisdom consists in two things: Knowledge of God and Knowledge of Self.”
― John Calvin

“Calvin: Today for show and tell, I've brought a tiny miracle of nature: a single snowflake! I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal turns into an ordinary, boring molecule of water just like every other one when you bring it into the classroom.
And now, while the analogy sinks in, I will be leaving you drips and going outside...”
― bill watterson

“Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?”
― Watterson Bill, Calvin and Hobbes

“It would be the height of absurdity to label ignorance tempered by humility" faith "!
(Institutio III.2.3)”
― John Calvin

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Calvin:" I read this library book you got me. "
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
Calvin: "It really made me see things differently. It's given me a lot to think about."
Calvin's Mom: "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
Calvin: "It's complicating my life. Don't get me any more.”
― Bill Watterson

“For, to my mind, this is a certain principle, that nothing is here treated of but the visible form of the world. He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere.
(on commenting the text of Genesis 1:6)”
― John Calvin

“I’m trying to decide whether to tell you two to get a room or go barf in the trash can,” Emma said. “I’m leaning toward the second choice. You are both getting way too weird. And gross.”

Cal barked out a laugh and slid his fingers down my arm to entwine with mine. His touch, and Emma’s comments, only made me blush more. Looks like Emma saw Cal lick my face after all.

Now that wasn’t awkward or anything.”
― E.J. Stevens, Legend of Witchtrot Road

“CALVIN: Hey, I got some mail! It's a Valentine card.
HOBBES: From Susie Derkins!
CALVIN: It says "Please be my Valentine."
HOBBES: You're Susie's Valentine!
CALVIN: I'm not her Valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the Post Master General know about this?
HOBBES: Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-en-gee!
CALVIN: I don't have the KISS her, do I?! Is that what Valentines do??! Oh, gross!
HOBBES: First comes lo-ove, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!
CALVIN: This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her Valentine!
HOBBES: Here she comes! Here comes Susie!
SUSIE: Hi, Calvin.
CALVIN: Get away from me! I'm not your Valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! YECCHH!
SUSIE: That card wasn't for YOU, you Moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope?
CALVIN: "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes." HOBBES?!
HOBBES: Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch City, here I come!”
― Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

“No man that ever lived, not John Calvin himself, ever asserted either original sin, or justification by faith, in more strong, more clear and express terms, than Arminius has done.”
― John Wesley

“As I swallowed the last bite of my bagel, my fear gave way to anger. “And just what the hell did he mean by ‘my erratic behavior’?”
Ian just looked at me. Yasha and Calvin stared straight ahead and didn’t say a word.
I glared at all of them.”
― Lisa Shearin, The Grendel Affair

“Quando olha para o céu e vê o infinito através das estrelas, você percebe que há coisas mais importantes do que as pessoas fazem todo dia.”
― Bill Watterson

“I've never done this before. Just know I'm falling for the girl I married.”
― Christina Lauren

“Luther disliked the idea of secret meetings, which he said reminded him of rats. Calvin had found a way of forming the rats into a choir and then drilling them to march.”
― Alec Ryrie, Protestants: The Faith That Made the Modern World

“Zeal to expunge every trace of Romish superstition resulted in text scrutinizing and “arguments from silence” that forbade traditions such as the exchange of wedding rings and kneeling at Communion, traditions which were not addressed in Scripture and which other Reformers considered adiaphora or “matters indifferent.” In the vigor with which they rejected ritual, turned to an “anti-magical” semiotics, and revised the liturgy, English Puritans have been said to have “out-Calvined Calvin,” becoming a sort of law unto themselves in the world of reformed religion.”
― Lori Branch, Rituals of Spontaneity: Sentiment and Secularism from Free Prayer to Wordsworth

“There are carnivores, but not many. Symbiosis is the basic fact of life. That, and worship. Whistletop says all of the higher life forms owe allegiance to a godhead, and the seat of divinity is in the hub. I’ve been thinking of a goddess that rules the whole circle of the land. I call her Gaia, for the Greek mother.”
― John Varley, Titan

“Gaby shouldn’t have called this place Themis. Call it Gaia.”
― John Varley, Titan