Jokes And Whatever Quotes

“I hate people who say, “Good moaning,” instead of, “Good morning.” What kind of a wanker, are they? I’ll tell you. It’s their little joke, you see. They view it as a clever play on words, changing one letter to make a completely different word. Do you get it? By changing the ‘r’ in morning to an ‘a’ the whole meaning of the word changes. Do you see how witty they are? WANKEEERRRSS!!!!”
― Karl Wiggins, Calico Jack in your Garden

“I swear I've good morals. It's just that bad ones befriend me. I'm a friendly person, you know. But I will talk to them. Believe you me.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Most people are but a fake-art, and as real as a concealed fart.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Don't, and the world laughs at you.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Ninety-eight per cent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Most people just do not give a crap. Especially about you. It is not because you're crap. Mostly it is so because they are. So, you're better than them. Yeah! Now, give a crap!”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“If your god is more screwed up than you, then, by Jove, how cuckoo must be you!”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Please pardon me if I have somehow overlooked you. Normally I am rather conscientious about all jokes. I apologize if I have yet not gotten to you. I will, soon. So, please don't lose faith in me. Or my jokes.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Now that I've declared my religion, namely, NUTTISM; I anoint myself, Mr. NUTS, as its MESSIAH. And you damn well bow to our god, Mr. NOT. He reveals that your pal up there too is naught! Dare not criticize the messiah - me! Or you'll be kicked in the nuts by my pal Mr. NOT.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“The thing with politicians is that though they spit differently yet they shit similarly.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I am really, truly dead serious when I am just joking. But only if you're a joke would you mind my poking.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“You never cook onions with your beans. That’s a recipe for tear gas.”
― Justin Swapp, The Shadow's Servant

“What did the soup say to the tea plate?
"You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.”
― Ana Claudia Antunes

“People are either silly asses, or ass*oles. Mostly, just silly ass*oles. Choose! Hard place, or hell hole!”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I will bow to your pal up in the sky if you too to my god, Mr. Not, say hi.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“So, as per your ism people like I are going to hell? My friend up there nowhere, Mr. NOT, says its is all your imaginary pal's crap! And that up there in the head, you're not all that well. Now, what do you day to that? Anyway, be well.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Evolution could be true. Apes lick their nuts. Religious nuts do too.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Oh yeah, I love jokes. And oh! I love you. ~_~”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Like your fancied god up there, my pal up nowhere, Mr. NOT, says if you do not prostrate and accept me as your latest and newest messiah, he will so kick your butt that you will neither be in hell nor in heaven but nowhere, like your fancied pal up there.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I concede your god is the only god, except for one - my pal up there nowhere, Mr. NOT.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“If you cannot laugh away someone mocking your god, then, my dear, you know nothing more than a tad about God.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Everyone laughs at one's own jokes. To be able to appreciate another's reveals who you really are - a chilled out guy, or just a stuck-up joke.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Happy New Year! May we all stop being the assholes we were the past year.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“When I read most writers writing on internet ( Instagram in particular) all I ever get to read is about being in love, or falling in love, or surviving a heart-break! I never in my worst nightmare ever thought that life is only that!”
― Avijeet Das

“Working lunch is the art of gorging in five star delicacies all the while spitting out fancy business jargons”
― Nipun Varma, Adventures of an Indian Techie