Satirical Quotes

“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”
― George Orwell, Animal Farm

“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I once bought my producer a case of Mountain Dew, his favorite soda, as a thank you for all he'd done for me. He was really surprised - his favorite drink is actually 7UP. But he complimented me for getting the color of the can right.”
― John Bennardo, Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“All the people like us are we, and everyone else is they.”
― Rudyard Kipling

“You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Convincing all nations in the civilized world to agree that any investments into these corporations should be tax-free was not an easy task. Tea with the Queen didn’t quite cut it. Saki with the Japanese Prime Minister was pleasant, but not quite enough. We had to offer major trade concessions to our partner nations to bring them to the negotiating table. In retrospect, it was a small price to pay. The talks earned me the title of “The Great Negotiator.” I didn't mind.”
― Nancy Omeara, The Most Popular President Who Ever Lived [So Far]

“If you didn't already know, game show talent works fewer days a year than almost every profession, except maybe members of Congress.”
― John Bennardo, Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“Why was I the Most Popular President Who Ever Lived?
I castrated the IRS, implemented the National Sales Tax (Fair Tax) and brought an end to parasitic government - all through the use of numbers, statistics. business metrics, graphs, pie charts, efficiency - in short - results.”
― Nancy Omeara, The Most Popular President Who Ever Lived [So Far]

“I got the job as a Bingo host and did better than they imagined. Never before had they had an emcee so affable and funny, so enthusiastic to give away prizes, or so quick to make a tumor joke after calling out 'B-9'".”
― John Bennardo, Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Use and Misuse of Children

“Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Use and Misuse of Children

“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days… or hours.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Some people will hate you for not loving them.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Use and Misuse of Children

“The birthing wolf,
Her heart fed with tenderness,
Gave forth from ripe brown nipples,
Food to feed the universe.”
― Roman Payne

“Most sane human beings’ chances of being alive in a thousand years’ time are a hundred times higher than their chances of being sincerely happy for at least ten consecutive days.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Passing through the early fog, the fruitseller’s boat nudged the edge of the canal beside the Palazzo Malipiero. All around was stillness. Casanova whispered to me, “This is the type of pause that occurs just in the instant before la petite mort. The breath held before the gasp followed by the exquisite release.”
― Harry F. MacDonald, Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell

“The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Use and Misuse of Children

“The successful cannot be unhappy -- it was a contradiction in terms.”
― Barry Unsworth, Sacred Hunger

“Sin duda no los juilaban por sus influencias y por esa simpatía y respeto que ha habido siempre en España por lo inútil.”
― Pío Baroja, El árbol de la ciencia

“Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it, while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta”
― Saira Viola

“A whoop of charmers will go bananas once they have felt all their efforts have been made in vain.”
― Lana M. Rochel, Looking For Your Tribe: Intellectual Poems