Alias Pending's Reviews> White Teeth

The Short: The only thing this book hates more than its characters is you, the reader.

The long form presentation: Lets boil down the premise and get it out of the way. This book is about nature vs nurture. Don't worry about that theme too much, because this book hates its theme. It can't be bothered to come to a logical or even an irrational conclusion about that theme. It hates its theme nearly as much as it hates you, the reader. Didn't I just say that? Am I being redundant?

Right, there is too much, let me sum up.

Basic Storytelling annoyances: It would have been nice if the author could have picked less than 10 main characters to focus on. Or, would have stopped introducing characters long before the second to last chapter. (Tangential annoyance: This late group of card-board cut out characters is created to mock pretentious college student types (oh, the inadvertent irony), but is a complete regurgitation of Monty Python's "what have the Romans ever done for us?" scene from Life of Brian. Just a general Boo out to that.)
Or, if the characters were anything but stereotypical one dimensional shadow puppets with two modes: Shouty and Really Shouty.
The Narrator attempts to convince the reader (the hated reader) that racial stereotypes shouting at each other is funny. The Narrator will put a "Funny Here Marker" in her dialogue to underline what is supposed to be funny. The FHM is easy to spot; it is a F-bomb if its really funny or an "assing" or "bastard" if it is (supposedly) mildly amusing. Truth be told, in the 70000 or so pages, I may have accidentally chuckled at some bits, but it is really too painful to remember now.

Intermediate storytelling annoyances: Don't continue a scene when the Point of View Character has left that scene. Abrupt use of flashback and flash-forward highlights the thin, uncertain texture of your narrative. Never be afraid to use one word, whereas three will annoy your readers (the hated readers). Plot, generally nice to have. Drama is not shouty, mean people being mean and shouty to each other. Exposition. Dear Cthulhu! the Narrator is an exposition machine. Please stop the expositioning. Being told the the backstory of every random character who pops in to be belittled and mocked is both unwanted and unwise.

Advanced Annoyances: Stop being redundant. Redundancy, stop. The redundant things, they are being, they must stop. Everything is said at least three times in the book. Three times. Some things are said six or more times. Thrip x20. Very. If the Narrator says Very something, it will be said at least twice. It is infuriating. And it is not just words. Whole scenes are redundant and are put in just to drive the reader (the hated reader - ok you get it, I'll stop) insane.

Extreme Annoyances: A third of the way into this book, just when the barrage of unfunny sitcom scenarios has numbed the reader into submission, the Narrator starts throwing in little clues, hints, that the Narrator knows exactly what it is doing. And She is not just mocking the poor characters, but you, the reader. Little bits about "Corkscrew dialogue" and "redundant writing" shows up. What is Corkscrew dialogue? Google doesn't know. The only thing I can think of is this - this book is corkscrew dialogue. It goes around and around, seemingly going deep beneath the surface, but not really moving at all. And the cork - that sucker broke off. No wine for you.

Shaking that paranoia off, I continue. At the end of the day, this 'story' is just a bunch of shallow characters shouting religious catchphrases at each other. There is some non-sense about Nazis (Cthulhu help you if you fall for the "OMG FATE!" moment) thrown in at the end to make this 'story' weighty, but it is just more out of nowhere, hand waving junk that doesn't work, because the smug, beyond omniscient Narrator hasn't earned it. Can't say fairer than that.