- Adam Banjo: Please, mister. This is insane.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' Mark Twain shit. 'Cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone.
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: What's the matter, kid? Don't ya like clowns?
- Jamie: [shakes his head, crying] No...
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: Why? Don't we make ya laugh? Aren't we fuckin' funny? You best come up with an answer, cos I'm gonna come back here and check on you and your momma and if you ain't got a reason why you hate clowns, I'm gonna kill your whole fucking family.
- Jamie: [continues crying] Please...
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: All right, now get your fuckin' ass out the car. Go on. Yayayayayaya!
- [Spaulding starts laughing]
- Otis B. Driftwood: I think I can still smell your wife's pussy stink on my gun... hope it doesn't rust the barrel.
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: [to Sheriff Wydell] If you're gonna start the killing, you best start it right here. Make sure I'm all the way dead, because I'll come back and make you my bitch!
- Marty Walker: That goddamn fucking Elvis Presley
- Sheriff John Wydell: What did you say about the King?
- Marty Walker: I said he died three days before Grouch...
- [Wydell grabs Walker]
- Sheriff John Wydell: Son, if you ever say another derogatory word about Elvis Aron Presley in my presence again, I will kick the living shit out of you!
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle.
- [mutual laughter]
- Susan: What's that about clown business?
- [laughs nervously]
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: [pause] Do I stutter, bitch?
- Baby: Just in case anyone's interested, I think I'm gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles.
- Otis: [in a mocking tone] "I think I'm gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles."
- Baby: Don't you fucking imitate me, it's fucking rude!
- [mocking]
- Baby: "I know what I know and I know I don't like that nut sack... "
- Otis: Fuck you.
- Baby: Fuck you!
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: Two fucking seconds for the kid, is that gonna kill you?
- Otis: Yes, it is going to kill me! I have calculated the time, and two seconds is the exact amount of time that is a hazard to my fucking health.
- Baby: What the fuck is your problem? I'm in and out in two seconds!
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: You know? I think I'm gonna get me some tutti fucking fruity.
- Baby: Tutti fucking fruity, that sounds good!
- Baby: I bet all the girls wanna fuck you.
- Roy Sullivan: Would you say that again?
- Baby: I bet all the girls wanna fuck you.
- [mutual laughter]
- Roy Sullivan: Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?
- Baby: Trust me, fella. That ain't the only thing I do with this mouth.
- Otis: Consider me fuckin' Willy fuckin' Wonka! This is my fucking chocolate factory! You got it? My factory!
- Darrell: Now, ya'll ain't planning on fuckin' these chickens are ya?
- Charlie Altamont: What the fuck are you getting at? Do you fuck chickens?
- Darrell: [chuckles] Well, I have thought about fuckin' some chickens before. If you want to have a good time and you need some pussy, you can cut that chicken's head off, stick your dick in that ass of that chicken, and that damn chicken'll go crazy on your ass and go "Caaaaah!".
- Charlie Altamont: Are you saying... that I would cut off a chicken's head? Stick my dick in it? Fuck it... And go "Aah"? You accuse me of fucking a chicken, motherfucker?
- Darrell: I'm not callin' you a chicken fucker but that boy over there looks sexually frustrated, and I don't approve of chicken fucking.
- Clevon: [to Charlie] You hear what he called me, boss? I ain't no fuckin' chicken fucker!
- Darrell: My mistake, my mistake.
- Clevon: He called me a fuckin' chicken fucker!
- Charlie Altamont: Go back and grab the fuckin' chickens, Clevon!
- [to Darrell]
- Charlie Altamont: Here. Here's five.
- Darrell: Appreciate it, thank y'all.
- Clevon: He's the chicken fucker!
- Charlie Altamont: That's all right, put it back there. Next time, we go someplace else.
- Clevon: We ain't never buyin' chickens from him again, boss!
- Charlie Altamont: I know. I know.
- Clevon: [to Darrell] You inbred! Inbred!
- Candy: What you lookin' at?
- Otis B. Driftwood: I'm lookin' at you, mama.
- Candy: Yeah, you see something you like?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Maybe. I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed.
- Candy: Oh, well I don't disappoint.
- [to Mother Firefly]
- Sheriff John Wydell: You listen to me, and you listen good! I am gonna kill every member of your family! I'm gonna hunt them down like the animals they are, and I'm gonna skin em' alive! They are going to feel the pain and suffering of every last victim! They're gonna crawl on on their hands and knees, and they're gonna beg me for mercy! But all I'm gonna have for them is pain! Pain and death!
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: Where the hell you goin'? Damn it. Don't you NEVER turn your back on a fuckin' clown when he's talkin' to you!
- Baby: [in the motel room] So what do you wanna do?
- [Gloria shakes head]
- Wendy Banjo: Help!
- [screams from a window in the bathroom]
- Baby: I knew that fucking cunt would do something stupid! Shut up! Open the fucking door! Open the goddamn door!
- Gloria Sullivan: [pulls a gun on Baby] Hold it!
- Wendy Banjo: [continues screaming after breaking the window] Somebody help me!
- Baby: [back to motel room] What are you gonna do? Shoot me? What did I ever really do to you?
- [holding a knife behind her back]
- Gloria Sullivan: I swear I'll do it! I'll kill you!
- Baby: Why would you wanna kill me? I'm your only hope. My brother's fucking crazy, you've seen him.
- Gloria Sullivan: [Yells to Wendy from the room] Wendy it's all right! Come on out!
- [Baby plunges the knife into Gloria's chest]
- Gloria Sullivan: [Gloria drops to her knees and pulls the knife out from her chest]
- Baby: [pulls down jeans and shows her rear] Go ahead, shoot me. Shoot me right on the ass!
- [Gloria pulls the trigger, but the gun is empty]
- Baby: Stupid cunt. There ain't no bullets in this thing. It's all fucking mind power.
- Baby: [after Charlie Altamont pulls out a gun] What the fuck is this shit?
- Otis B. Driftwood: You bring us all the way out here and this prick pulls a gun on us? Nice fuckin' plan, daisy!
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: Just do it! He's a crazy, pig-fuckin'...
- Charlie Altamont: What you call me?
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: Well if you'd give me a chance, I was gonna call you a crazy, pig-fuckin', dumbass, pussy piece of shit!
- Billy Ray Snapper: When we get done with them, they're gonna think King Kong came down from Skull Mountain and raped them a new fucking asshole!
- Otis B. Driftwood: You had to come all fuckin' big stick, walkin' tall, like a big fuckin' hero. Got yourself to blame, hero. Look at you now, hero, you're gonna fuckin' bleed to death!
- Officer Ray Dobson: You recognize the clown?
- Sheriff John Wydell: Yeah, his name is Spaulding. Captain 'fuckin' Spaulding.
- Sheriff John Wydell: From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. Hallelujah! Are you feeling it brother?
- Sheriff John Wydell: All right, Dobson. It's about time what we came here to do to what the good lord says in the good book as "a cleansing of the wicked".
- Officer Ray Dobson: Sir, you think we're gonna die here today?
- Sheriff John Wydell: Dyin's not an option. Now, you stick that back in that gray matter of yours and you make that stick. 'Cause any other thought is gonna get you cold slabed, toe taged, and mailed home to your mamma in a plastic bag. Are we crystal?
- Officer Ray Dobson: Crystal, Sir.
- Sheriff John Wydell: Gentlemen, let's do what God made us to do!
- Sheriff John Wydell: [walks into a room where the "rejects" are tied to the chairs] You know I got to thank you all... *sniffs*... for helping me understand what my heritage is. You see the Wydells, they always been vigilante justice. Now my grand-daddy, he rode with the likes of Tom Horn killin' scum like you for a livin'. We've always been devil slayers
- [kicks Otis]
- Sheriff John Wydell: WAKE UP! See, I tried to walk the line but now I realize there is no line. Now we here, we are playin' on a level that most will never see. I know my brother George he didn't see it.
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: Maybe he had a divine moment when his brains hit the floor.
- Sheriff John Wydell: Yeah well, maybe you will too.
- Otis B. Driftwood: [to Wendy, mocking her that he killed her husband and Roy] We regret to inform you that the show "Banjo and Sullivan" will be cancelled tonight.
- Sheriff John Wydell: [stuttering] I'm, I'm walking the line on this brother. I'm... I'm walking line.
- George Wydell: [sarcastically] Well, mother pin a rose on me, that is so great!
- [serious tone]
- George Wydell: I want these motherfuckers dead! Kill 'em!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Are you staring at my sister and thinking bad thoughts?
- Roy Sullivan: No.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well why not? You a faggot?
- Roy Sullivan: No.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well what are you? I mean, you got this hot piece of ass shaking her shit right in front of you and your'e not getting any ideas? What do you call that?
- Roy Sullivan: I'm a married man.
- Otis B. Driftwood: [Scoffs] A married fucking man? Hey, that's just great!
- [Otis and Baby start clapping]
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well, let's give 'em a big round of applause, folks, for the married man! Come on!
- Adam Banjo: Where are you taking us?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well I guess it wouldn't do no harm to tell you none, let's see ah, we're going to go dig up some guns I buried out here a couple of years ago.
- Roy Sullivan: Then what?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well there ain't no what, that's the end of the road.
- Roy Sullivan: What?... your'e not gonna kill us are ya?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Killing sounds so permanent.
- Sheriff John Wydell: What's going on, shit-heads?
- Rondo: Sheriff...
- [Wydell hands Rondo a piece of paper]
- Sheriff John Wydell: Here's a list of names I need you to run down for me.
- [Rondo looks at the paper, and starts chuckling]
- Rondo: That's some funny-ass names! Haha!
- Sheriff John Wydell: Yeah, look who's fuckin' talkin' "RONDO"...
- [Rondo glares at Wydell]
- Sheriff John Wydell: Just let me know if anything connects.
- Billy Ray Snapper: ...I'm sure it will. Shit always floats our way, don't it..."Chief"?
- Sheriff John Wydell: Well, if you keep your mouth open wide enough maybe you'll catch it all... don't fuck this up assholes.
- Rondo: Have fun scraping all them brains up off the road! Haha.
- Charlie Altamont: Okay, everybody in the peanut gallery, Simon says hands up.
- Candy: He said put your fuckin' hands up!
- Otis B. Driftwood: I want you to pray to your god. I want you to pray that he comes and saves you. I want lightning to come and crash down upon my fucking head!
- Roy Sullivan: I will pray... Jesus...
- Otis B. Driftwood: Louder!
- Roy Sullivan: Bless the bunnies, bless the little birds, bless the...
- Otis B. Driftwood: I don't feel anything!
- Roy Sullivan: Bless the springtime morning...
- Otis B. Driftwood: ooo aaah I feel it! Oh great god almighty I repent, I repent! Oh I feel the love of the god, god, god almighty! Oh the holy spirit is in my body.
- Captain J.T. Spaulding: And you remember happy boy.
- Charlie Altamont: Hey You still an asshole?
- Otis B. Driftwood: [gives Charlie the finger] Fuck you!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Hurry up and don't take too fucking long.
- Baby: Fuck you!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Fuck you!
- Baby: Fuck you!
- Charlie Altamont: [to Candy] You've got to hustle that pussy, baby. Find a new angle and you might attract a higher clientele.
- [looking at Wendy's mutilated body after it's run over by a truck]
- Sheriff Ken Dwyer: Jesus Christ, what a fucking mess. There must be 100 yards of bloody asphalt and corpse chunks.
- Baby: Well Roy Sullivan, you gonna take me back to your room and play with me?
- Roy Sullivan: My wife's in that room.
- Baby: Or is my brother going to have to shoot your fuckin' teeth outta your head?
- Baby: God dammit look at that jacket.
- Otis B. Driftwood: What?
- Baby: On TV.
- Otis B. Driftwood: What? Fuck the TV!
- Baby: Fuck the TV? Fuck you!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Hey fuck you! Will you just keep your head in the business at hand here!
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