Liar Liar (1997)
Jennifer Tilly: Samantha Cole
Photos
Quotes
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[while hearing Mrs. Cole having sex on an audio cassette]
Fletcher Reede : Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
Samantha Cole : [voice on tape] You are such a better lover than my husband!
Fletcher Reede : Your honor, I object!
Judge Marshall Stevens : And why is that, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher Reede : Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge Marshall Stevens : Overruled.
Fletcher Reede : Good call!
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Fletcher Reede : Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's license?
[shows paper]
Samantha Cole : That's right.
Fletcher Reede : It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember, perhaps Mr. Falk will.
Samantha Cole : Brunette.
Fletcher Reede : Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha Cole : I'm a brunette!
Fletcher Reede : Thank you. Now let's see... weight, 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana Appleton : Your honor, I object.
Fletcher Reede : You would!
Dana Appleton : Bastard!
Fletcher Reede : Hag!
Judge Marshall Stevens : QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha Cole : 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha Cole : Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher Reede : Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha Cole : No.
Fletcher Reede : Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana Appleton : Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Marshall Stevens : Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha Cole : 1965.
Fletcher Reede : Now let me get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to do THAT?
Samantha Cole : I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher Reede : AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher Reede : Including...?
Dana Appleton : [sighs] Prenuptial agreements.
Fletcher Reede : Prenuptial agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!
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Fletcher Reede : You brought your kids to your divorce?
Samantha Cole : Sympathy.
Fletcher Reede : Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already!
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Fletcher Reede : Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - they are his?
Samantha Cole : Oh yeah. One for sure.
Fletcher Reede : After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Samantha Cole : Seven.
Fletcher Reede : [surprised] Beg your pardon?
Samantha Cole : Seven single acts of indiscretion.
Fletcher Reede : SEVEN! Acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.
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Samantha Cole : I want my money. I am not going to end up a 31-year-old divorcée on welfare because my scumbag attorney had a sudden attack of conscience.
Fletcher Reede : [realizes] 31?
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Samantha Cole : You look like you're having a rough morning.
Fletcher Reede : [sarcastically] Ding ding ding! What do we have for her, Johnny?
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Judge Marshall Stevens : I understand both parties have agreed to joint custody, is that correct?
Dana Appleton : Yes.
Fletcher Reede : Yes.
Samantha Cole : No! I'm contesting custody.
Fletcher Reede : What?
Samantha Cole : If I get sole custody of the kids, that's another 10 grand in child support payments.
Fletcher Reede : [dismayed] You just won $11 million!
Samantha Cole : Hey! I'M the victim here! You said it yourself. Now I'm gonna hit it where it hurts.
Fletcher Reede : [whispers] But... you said he was a good father.
Samantha Cole : [coldly] So?
[Fletcher stares at her in shock]
Judge Marshall Stevens : Well Mr. Reede, do we have an agreement on custody or not?
Fletcher Reede : [quietly and sadly] No.
Judge Marshall Stevens : [also sadly] I see. In that case, there will be a custody hearing on the 19th at 9 AM. Court is adjourned.
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Judge Marshall Stevens : Afternoon, Counselors. Are we ready to begin?
Fletcher Reede : No, sir! We are NOT ready to begin, because my client has not arrived!
[Samantha and children enter]
Samantha Cole : [to children] Hurry up! Move it!
Fletcher Reede : [singing to the tune of Mighty Mouse] Here she comes to wreck the daaaay!
Judge Marshall Stevens : MISTER Reede!
Fletcher Reede : Sorry, Your Honor!
